Doug Christie really wants to play in the NBA again. He wants it so bad that he's marshaled the promotional services of a West Hollywood firm, which targeted the Beater as what the former Rainier Beach star hopes will be the launching pad for his eventual signing by his hometown Sonics.

While we're not so ure about the wisdom of signing a 37-year-old shooting guard on a team with too many wings (Durant, Green, Szczerbiak, Gelabale, Wilkins, et. al.) to begin with, we take exception with the popular belief that just because Christie loves his wife and signals her from the floor a little too frequently, he's a douchebag. Au contraire: While Christie might be pussywhipped, he's got a right to be -- he's married. And when you're married, it's actually a positive to be pussywhipped on your wife. Because when you're not pussywhipped on your wife, you end up whippin' some pussy that's not your wife's. Leave it to a league of serial philanderers to consider Christie's monogamy to be something less than manly.

But back to Christie's publicity campaign. According to a "blog of information" passed along to us by Avid Exposure on Sunset Boulevard: "Sources say that the 14 year veteran, Doug Christie, formally of the Sacramento Kings, is making strives to return to the league." There's no such noun as "strives," and the fact that Christie is making strides isn't exactly a secret. But then there's this whopper: "Stemming from an NBA career of setting records, leading his team to the playoffs and being a member of multiple All-Star teams, Christie’s career has shown that he can provide such leadership qualities that could boost a teams’ morale and lead them to victory." Where do we begin? Christie's never made an all-star team (as a professional, at least) and, despite starting for some superb Sacramento clubs, has never "led" a team to the playoffs.

More puzzling still is this excerpt: "According to Christie, he has been approached by several teams overseas being offered multi-million dollar contracts, but has yet to make a decision on where he wishes to play; overseas or continue in the NBA. At this point in his career, Christie can be compared to the great Ron Harper formally of the Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers." While Ron Harper was indeed "formally" with the Bulls and Lakers, we think the word they're looking for is "formerly." And if Christie already has "several multi-million dollar" offers in hand (word is he's "caught the eye of teams such as the Chicago Bulls, Utah Jazz, Phoenix Suns and Cleveland Cavaliers"), why has he turned to his publicist to drum up momentum for his return in the Beater? We're happy to oblige, Doug, and we wish you well -- but dial down the hyperbole from here on out, m'kay?