Fuck It: I’m Going With The Blazers
Seattleites expressing Portland envy is beyond passe, but as a basketball fan, I have to indulge. Last season, I proposed trading the Sonics, the S.L.U.T., Christine Gregoire’s expiring contract, and an American Apparel to Portland for the Blazers. Apparently, the Rose City wasn’t biting. Now we lack a team to root for, let alone trade. And the most exciting, most Seattle-connected, best-run franchise in basketball is just a drunken train ride away. The desire to see the league (and David Stern) fail is strong, and there are those who say we can’t switch sides to a former “rival,” but I'm not alone when I say, fuck it: I’m going with the Blazers.
They’ve had the more entertaining team for some time—basically, since Wally Walker & co. decided that a Shawn Kemp/Gary Payton/George Karl core wasn’t good enough to win a championship. (The one exception was the 2004-2005 season, when coach Nate “Mr. Sonic” McMillan led the Supes to a lucky, fun, run-and-gun first-place finish; the front office promptly lost him to Portland.) While we suffered through Vin Baker’s jowly lethargy, Portland fans enjoyed an orgy of low and high criminality with a decidedly Up in Smoke tint; Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire hotboxing in a speeding Hummer, J.R. Rider toking with a pop can, and Stoudamire making an encore by setting off an airport metal detector with about an ounce-and-a-half of bud wrapped in tin foil. If your team’s going to be a joke, it might as well be funny.
These days, Portland has thrust the mantle of dysfunction (along with/in the person of Zach Randolph) onto the New York Knicks, and new Blazers GM Kevin Pritchard is steadily crafting a marvel, one with significant Seattle ties. You probably already know that the Blazers are owned by Paul Allen, coached by McMillan, led by Seattle’s favorite NBA son, Brandon Roy, and feature former Seattle Prep star Martell Webster. But more importantly, Pritchard’s adding young, athletic players by the handful—high-flyers like Greg Oden, Travis Outlaw, Nicolas Batum, Rudy Fernandez, and Jerryd Bayless. He’s importing Europe’s best point guards—Sergio Rodriguez, Petteri Koponen...I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds a way to score Ricky Rubio. In Oden and LaMarcus Aldridge, the Blazers may have the third best frontcourt in the league, at an average age of 21.5. Watching Pritchard deal with other GMs is a little like watching Alex Trebek host and compete in a Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy episode while holding the cue cards with the answers in his hand. (The Sean Connery of this analogy? Darius Miles.)
I’ll admit—I spent the better part of the last decade rooting against the Sonics, hoping that failure would displace their inept front office, never thinking the losses would lead to the team leaving town. I also found myself cheering for young, fast-paced squads like the 04-07 Phoenix Suns and this year’s New Orleans Hornets, teams that had the potential to change the model of success to one that’s actually entertaining. So maybe I’m more attached to a style than I am loyal to any team. And of course part of me is all about David Stern’s business taking a hit, however it happens. But, given the current state of affairs, we Sonics fans would be foolish not to maximize our enjoyment of the juggernaut gestating just a few hours away.
8 comment(s)
Keegan says:
Two words: Brandon Roy. You've made the right decision here.
Posted On: Thursday, Jul. 31 2008 @ 9:18AM
JJ says:
The photo above is disgusting, as in I'm about to puke reading this garbage less than a month after the Supes leave town. True Sonics fans will never root for Portland.
Posted On: Thursday, Jul. 31 2008 @ 9:38AM
Rip City Baby! says:
Kevin Duckworth represent!
Posted On: Thursday, Jul. 31 2008 @ 9:50AM
npc says:
the blazers?...the blazers?...your team left town a month ago and you already are hopping in bed with not only another team but the one team that was a rival (though a pretty weak one as of late)...come on now--show some self-respect.
i will admit that the blazers have been moving in the right direction, making all the right trades and draft picks. but still--in the words of mike james "you can't sleep with the enemy".
Posted On: Thursday, Jul. 31 2008 @ 11:15AM
kyle says:
the nba hbs spit on seattle and told them they were unnecessary and you're still willing to patron them without so much as apology.
when your girlfriend dumped you, did you offer to drive her to dates with other guys too?
unbelievable...if seattle fans were going to defect to the blazers anyway what was the point in keeping the supes in the first place?
Posted On: Thursday, Jul. 31 2008 @ 5:00PM
Keith says:
I refuse to do this. I'd feel like the biggest hypocrite if I suddenly became a Blazers fan.
Posted On: Friday, Aug. 1 2008 @ 11:52AM
Night Train says:
I'm on the Blazers bandwagon as well. I never hated them myself. True scorn is reserved for the Lakers! Already ordered some blazers gear.
Posted On: Monday, Aug. 4 2008 @ 3:18PM
SeaJake says:
After a year of seeing the Oklahoma City Thunder fail, I'm ready to let go of my bitterness.
Portland fans root for the Mariners and Seahawks. Why not root for the Blazers?
Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 28 2009 @ 6:10PM