Sticking it to David Stern the Barely Legal Way

Much to the delight of Sonics fans, and just in time for the Olympics, a geopolitical power struggle has broken out among the hardcourts and boardrooms of professional basketball. A number of NBA players and one prominent high school star have accepted lucrative, tax-free contracts to play for European teams. Meanwhile, seeking to restore its symbolic dominance and avenge past losses, the United States has assembled a “Redeem Team” of NBA All-stars, key members of which are coupling their on-court exploits with public speculation about hopping the pond to ball for more cash by decade’s end.

Thus far, the speculation remains just that, but the loose consortium known as the Euroleague would be foolish not to recognize the hint of a buckle in the knee of the NBA Goliath, the faint intimation of a wobble in the heavyweight’s stance. Such a show of weakness must be exploited. Here’s how:

The Euroleague must hold its own draft, with all players 18 years of age or above available. Hubristically, the NBA has taken itself out of the 18-year-old game, thinking that, like true love, talent will wait. A Eurodraft would expose the bankruptcy of that sucker’s refrain, leaving Stern to model his banana hammock in anticipation of a honeymoon that never materializes. (Sorry for that image, folks.)

Of course, it probably won’t be that dramatic; the stars threatening to leave may just be looking to massage the NBA’s salary structure, and the NBA will probably still get the lion’s share of the talent. But the European hyenas could rent out Madison Square Garden and make a show of hunting in Stern’s backyard. Or they could up the fun factor and do it in Vegas, with the loot on site, Wheel of Fortune-style. Tell draftees, “the NBA gives you some shitty hat...we make it rain Euros!” Roll an Escalade out and call it a down payment on a signing bonus. The message to barely legal ballers: while the NBA screws you out of a year of earnings, why not come here and sample what we have to offer? We’ll put you up, pay you well, and wish you the best if you decide to return to the States.

To maximize the talent acquired (since the Euroleague doesn’t have the bargaining power to force players to go with the team that picked them), the draft could even be non-binding. If you can’t agree to terms with the team that selected you, then you return to the market for open bidding, which is the default for the European teams anyway. The draft and the accompanying pomp would simply serve to put the Euroleague on the radar of kids who might otherwise have overlooked it.

So what do you say, Euros? Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it didn’t last forever, either. An empire is ripe for a challenge.