A Fistful of Losers

I didn't make it to Bumbershoot this weekend. I'd planned on going Saturday — had tickets and a wizard suit reserved for me, even — but a strange bout with influenza relegated me to a Pigeon Ridge couch for the day. Fortunately, I was able to make it to Demolition Derby night at Evergreen Speedway in Monroe on Sunday.

The crown jewel of the annual Evergreen State Fair, the demolition derby featured a round of dashes around the oval and a couple hairpin hornet (racing parlance for four-cylinder cars) heats sandwiched amidst four destruction-centric events: midget car rolling, in which three drivers took turns seeing how many times they could roll a super-small car after sideswiping a ramp; a figure-eight bus "race," which was more an excuse for a half-dozen school buses to T-bone one another at top speed; a figure-eight "boat race," which featured old hoopties towing and plowing into old rowboats (way more awesome than it sounds); and the demo derby itself, which, while entertaining, was almost anticlimactic after the unbridled giddiness of the bus mash-up and boat race.

Monday afternoon, I took in a screening of King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, a Rocky Balboa-like documentary in which a humble Redmond resident, Steve Wiebe, overcomes a multitude of devilish roadblocks set up by Billy Mitchell and his legion of nerds to set the world record in Donkey Kong. Without spoiling the flick — whicih is a must-see — let's just say that a great screenwriter such as Larry McMurtry couldn't invent an antagonist as loathesome as Mitchell. Douchebags that vile only exist in real life.

Mitchell made me want to get up and set fire to the screen, but he wasn't the only creature of sport who got my ire up over the weekend. On Friday night, I was annoyed by shirtless Syracuse fans — seeing as going sans shirt in a domed stadium lacks the novelty that doing the same in, say, Cleveland has. I was also annoyed by the announcers at Evergreen Speedway, who never ceased cluttering their microphones with inside jokes between races. Then there was Steve Wiebe, the Redmond underdog who ultimately emasculates Mitchell through sheer force of perseverance in King of Kong. Wiebe just wanted truth and nobility to prevail, even if it wasn't him doing the prevailing. I wish I was more like Steve Wiebe. Heck, I wish everyone was.

Topics: Auto Racing

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Junior, Jeffy, and Jimmie: NASCAR's New World Order

I have deep redneck roots, and those roots do extend to NASCAR in all its gas-guzzling, cars-go-round-in-circles, beer-chugging glory. I also happen to be a Dale Earnhardt Jr. fan, mostly due to coming into the sport with a father who worships Dale Sr. and the black #3. Earlier this season Jr. announced that he would be leaving DEI, the race team started by his late father. Today, the announcement came down about who he'd be driving for next season.

Jr. will be driving for Hendrick Motorsports, the home of 4-time champ Jeff Gordon and defending champ Jimmie Johnson. So far this season, Hendrick cars have won 10 of the 14 NASCAR Nextel Cup races (Gordon and Johnson each with four, Kyle Busch and Casey Mears one each). The whole idea was to move to a team with the equipment and money— especially money— to win a championship. Jr. will have plenty of both.

But here's the thing and pardon me for shouting: I HATE JEFFY AND JIMMIE! They are good drivers, and Jeffy might might even be great, but having Junebug team up with them is one of the worst things that could happen to an Earnhardt fan. It's like when Gordon passed Jr at Talladega when Jr was going for his fifth straight win there and all the fans pelted Gordon's car with beer cans. It's worse than when Sting joined the NWO back in the heyday of WCW (I told you, my redneck roots are deep). It's worse than Roger Clemens pitching for the Yankees. At least the Rocket went to Toronto first, before donning the dreaded pinstripes.

The only thing that will make this worth it is if Earnhardt wins a championship next year. Nothing short of complete domination will suffice.

The good news is that I get all new Dale Jr. T-shirts for Christmas. 

Topics: Auto Racing

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Dumbest Stadium Proposal Ever

I used to hate auto racing, thinking it to be populated by white trash motorists and fans while occupying a place in the entertainment realm that was anything but sport. Then I decided to write about the dirt track racing scene in Southern Illinois, and ended up doing an about-face of sorts. At that level, at least, the fans are hard-working, salt-of-the earth folks, and short-track driving requires a hell of a lot of skill and strength. Moreover, the live product is truly an exciting, worthwhile spectacle.

So having shed my anti-auto racing bias, I still consider the flagging proposal to fund and build a NASCAR stadium in Kitsap County to be among the dumbest I've ever seen. I know NASCAR's huge in California now, but Kitsap County is simply too far removed from this region's population center to support a project of this largesse. And as the St. Louis region has learned with Gateway International Speedway — which has had to settle for a Busch Series race per summer since it was built —  just because you build it doesn't mean NASCAR will come. In short, if the Legislature decides to kick cheddar to this project instead of a Sonic arena, I'll bungee-jump naked off the top of the Space Needle on the Fourth of July.

Anyhoo, the Times' Jim Brunner does a nice job tallying and handicapping the crowded list of stadium-related projects expected to come before the State Legislature this year. My favorite excerpt: "A Seattle task-force report last year warned that KeyArena could become a financial drag on Seattle Center if it faces competition from a new state-subsidized Sonics arena in the suburbs. And Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels said he'll ask that Seattle be compensated by the state if that happens."

With that, I hedge a bit: Given a choice between funding a massive auto racing stadium in Kitsap County and compensating the City of Seattle for — gasp! — competition, I'd much prefer the Legislature wave the checkered flag for burnt rubber in the sticks. That our smug, take-Supes-or-leave-'em city administration can have the aduacity to even braoch such a request is fucking ridiculous.

Topics: Auto Racing

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