Here's to You, Quincy Pondexter

Not long ago, Seth Kolloen wrote an article defending Quincy Pondexter and setting straight the player's greedy critics. Pondexter, he noted, has put up numbers quite similar to those of Husky favorite Bobby Jones. The only difference is that Pondexter came in with high expectations. He's mostly right, though there was good reason for initial expectations to be higher with the stronger, more explosive, and more polished QP.

Since his ballyhooed arrival at Montlake, Pondexter's gone from peacock to dray horse,
from open-court dervish to in-the-paint banger. We get a lot of him backing down his defender, like a boxer winning with body shots, until he gets within range to jump over the guy and shoot a short jumper. He still wants to spin left before he even starts driving right, makes the occasional dumb pass, is indecisive, and frustrates those who expect confident, fluid play from such a gifted athlete.

But I'm here to celebrate Pondexter, not bury him. The disappointment and frustration of Husky fans was likely experienced by him tenfold, and sometimes I wonder if the resulting scar tissue has permanently constrained his range of motion. Whatever the source of his inhibition, he seems only momentarily able to move freely and on instinct, always returning quickly to a more premeditated mode of play. He's sort of a Sisyphus—with QP, it's always almost.

The great thing is, he appears to be enjoying it. All the hype after the Wazzu game was on Brockman and how the big senior finally got his win against the Cougs. But during the game, it was Pondexter getting religion, screaming and jumping and pumping his arms.

Last night against Stanford was the same. Pondexter plays defense like Venoy Overton, crashes the boards like Jon Brockman, and doesn't seem to give a damn whether he gets any shots. It's like the game is the perfect therapy for the disappointments resulting from the game. Any guy who can watch his hoop dreams slowly slipping away, muster the energy to play harder than the less-talented but more-together multitudes surrounding him, and then enjoy it selflessly and with verve is something to behold. Keep up the good work, Quincy.

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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72 Predictions for Seattle Sports in 2009

2008, as we all know, has been a pretty miserable year for Seattle sports. Perhaps the worst sports year for any city ever. But fret not, fellow fans. With 2008 drawing to a close, I took a look in my crystal ball and found that things are (mostly) looking up for '09. More specifically...

1. The Mariners will lose fewer than 100 games.

2. Brandon Morrow will win more than ten games.

3. A USS Mariner post by Dave Cameron will help Morrow identify the flaws in his pitch selection.

4. Felix Hernandez will get fewer Cy Young votes than he deserves because his win/loss record will fail to reflect his dominant pitching.

5. Remembering how he was robbed of the award in 2001, Freddy Garcia will angrily throw a beer can at the television.

6. Jack Zduriencik will try and fail to retroactively insert a weight clause into Carlos Silva's contract

7. Silva will look marginally better because of the team's improved defense

8. Silva will lose a foot race to Big Lo.

9. He will blame the loss on his teammates.

10. He will continue referring to himself as "Chief." Each time he does so, Freddy Garcia will angrily throw a beer can at the television.

11. Rather than make money in Europe, UW alum Will Conroy will continue to toil for the Tulsa 66ers, hoping to earn the coveted GATORADE call-up.

12. Once again, he will be a D-League All-Star.

13. Jon Brockman will draw comparisons to A.C. Green for his rebounding and virginity prowess.

14. His rebounding average will nevertheless decline with the emergence of Matthew Bryan-Amaning and Darnell Gant.

15. The UW men's team will return to the NCAA tournament.

16. They'll win their first-round game.

17. They'll win their second-round game.

18. They'll lose, once again, in the Sweet 16.

19. A shot of Brockman excitedly waving a towel will be included in CBS's "One Shining Moment" montage following the championship game.

20. Brockman will be cast in the role of Ricky Roe in the yet-to-be-announced remake of Blue Chips.

21. Jeff Swanson will replace Nick Nolte as Coach Bell.

22. An NFL team will invite Brockman to try out.

23. He'll pursue his hoop dreams instead.

24. And end up joining Will Conroy in the D-League

25. Ichiro will extend his record of most consecutive seasons of 200 or more hits to nine.

26. He will also extend his record-setting streak of games played by a fast outfileder without diving for a ball.

27. The Deja Vu strip club will open near Safeco Field, resulting in the wholesale corruption of Seattle youth en route to their "public park or community center".

28. This will happen because, for some reason, the Mariners will lose their argument that a facility is public if it was built with public money

29. Silva will be charged extra for his lap dances on account of his corpulence creating the equivalent of "two laps."

30. Fans will be able to get a Deja Vu experience inside the stadium when Miguel Batista continues to suck.

31. Miguel Batista will continue to suck.

Continue reading "72 Predictions for Seattle Sports in 2009"

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Snowballers on The Frozen Tundra of Bobby Morris Playfield

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Thirteen Thoughts on Seattle Sports (with some links and anecdotes, too)

No word on whether Piniella showed Matt his balls.

1. Fresh off of meeting former Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach in the Vegas airport, Weekly reader Matt N. met Lou Piniella at the Belaggio, where the baseball winter meetings were held. Says Matt, "Pinella is sort of cranky." (He adds that baseball front offices "are very white and middle-aged," Peter Gammons wears running shoes with his suit, and Dusty Baker has extremely long arms. But "no one was as friendly as Sebastian Bach!"
2. The Dallas Mavericks are conducting their annual Seats for Soldiers night this Saturday, when courtside season ticket holders will give their seats to wounded soldiers. It's a terrific event—much credit to Dallas real estate maven Neal Hawks for organizing it—but wasn't it a little cold to give the vets the Oklahoma City game?
3. If Steve Sarkisian carries this device around the sideline and uses it to prod players who screw up, I'll watch every game next year.
4. Seth Kolloen presents the best of the Husky men's basketball media guide here and here. His magazine, Sports Northwest, put out an awesome December issue.
5. Quincy Pondexter looks like he spent much of the offseason in the weight room, and yet he's gone exclusively to the t-shirt-under-the-jersey look this year. Has being buff and wearing a t-shirt been cool since Alonzo Mourning and Larry Johnson did it? Can Pondexter bring it back? And why does he want to hide his hard-earned muscles?
6. Nick Collison performed one of the best Dunk Contest dunks of all time (at about the 20-second mark. The video also features Damien Wilkins.). Nevertheless, Gary Payton apparently thinks Collison shouldn't be in the NBA.
7. I'm still waiting for someone to upload footage of Jon Brockman's McDonald's dunk contest performance. He made the finals!
8. In what had to be a somewhat awkward/bittersweet affair, the Husky football team handed out its annual awards last night.
9. The Mariners will actually be good in the field next year. Imagine that.
10. Check out Will Conroy's eye-popping D-League numbers. He's been doing this for four years now. I respect the man for chasing his dream of playing in the NBA, but I wonder if maybe it isn't time to chase some Euros. There must be dozens of teams that would pay him more than the D-League does.
11. I still wonder who Poster Boy is. I also wonder whether Nate Robinson ever got around to learning the piano.
12. Kevin Durant is shooting 50% from three-point range this year. Oklahoma City is still 2-21.
13. Technically, the Seahawks season isn't over. It just feels like it is.

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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Seattle Sports Movies Waiting To Be Made

This week's Bounce will be a short one. After learning that someone has made a Ryan Leaf biopic, I began thinking of other local sports movies that are waiting to be made.



Purple Rain
The long-awaited return to the silver screen for recording artist Prince. Aided by digital technology, he plays every member of the 1991 Husky football team in this explosive musical.

Reign Man
Shawn Kemp, Jr. plays his father. Tom Cruise takes him to Vegas. Hilarity and bonding ensue.

Glove, Indubitably
Starring Dave Chappelle as a hard-partying Gary Payton, Jim Breuer as Detlef Schrempf, and Alia Shawkat as an underage franchise executive.

Coach
Craig T. Nelson plays George Karl. Wayne Brady plays coach-on-the-floor Nate McMillan. (And, no, they never made a movie of Coach, but it would've been cool if they did.)

Field of Dreams
Kevin Costner builds idyllic baseball field out of pure love for the game. Uses taxpayer money, names it after insurance company.

The Morrison Diaries
In Charlie Kaufman-penned screenplay, Adam Morrison plays back-from-the-dead Morrison hero Che Guevara playing Adam Morrison. Morrison/Guevara/Morrison leads Charlotte players in proletariat revolt against coach Larry Brown (John Keister) and general manager Michael Jordan (Tracy Morgan). At the end of the movie, actual back-from-the-dead Guevara rides motorcycles with Morrison/Guevara/Morrison. Sadly, the movie closes with both riders being killed by rednecks driving a pick-up truck.

Largent
Ian Ziering plays Seahawk Legend Steve Largent. Reprising his role in the Prop 8 musical, Jack Black plays the Jesus on Steve's shoulder.

Friday Part 4 (aka Next Next Next Friday)
Newly jobless friends Tyrone Willingham and Bill Bavasi engage in wacky adventures to end the (non-)work week.

The Natural
Ken Griffey, Jr. (Terrence Howard) hits bottom-of-the-9th playoff home run that knocks out bank of stadium lights, but pulls his hamstring rounding third and fails to score. The game goes into extra innings where Bobby Ayala (Nick Cage) blows it.

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What Do You Get the Fan Who Has Nothing? Holiday Shopping for the Seattle Sports Fan

Don James storming a Puget Sound Wal-Mart on Black Friday.



Shawn Alexander Fathead


Saves recipient from having to decorate an entire wall of his/her house. Also, Fatheads are made to stay up, so unlike real Alexander, won't crumple in anticipation of approaching tacklers.

Price: On sale for $19.99!



Horace Grant Sonics Jersey


In 1999, in a typically brilliant move by Wally Walker, the Sonics traded first-round pick Corey Maggette for Horace Grant, who stuck with the team for one season. He averaged 8.1 points and 7.8 rebounds, but more importantly helped a young Mike Seely feel secure about his decision to wear goggles on the basketball court.

Price: Make owner, Reidster Reid (shown above, upset with a foul call during a 2005 Sonics playoff game), an offer he can't refuse.



Chris Wilcox Bobblehead


He's smiling because he's not in Oklahoma City.

Price: Best Offer


1.75 Liter Bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey


Sometimes the camaraderie provided by fellow Seattle fans isn't consolation enough.

Price: 44.99

Continue reading "What Do You Get the Fan Who Has Nothing? Holiday Shopping for the Seattle Sports Fan"

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Know Your Is(a)iah Thomases

Upon hearing the name Isaiah Thomas, most people think of the famous Detroit Pistons’ point guard, whose name was actually spelled ‘Isiah’. But devout Husky fans might think first of the freshman many expect to return UW men’s basketball to its previous level of excellence. And old-timers might think only of the publisher and American Revolutionary. To minimize your confusion, Dear Reader, we provide you with the following guide. Now you, too, can know your Is(a)iah Thomases.

Thomas is described as "strikingly handsome" by his biographer, Clifford K. Shipton.

Isaiah Thomas, 1749 - 1831
Training: Apprenticed at the age of seven to the printer Zechariah Fowle, who was “unstable and irritable,” according to the biography, Isaiah Thomas: Printer, Patriot, and Philanthropist, by Clifford K. Shipton.
Punishment Endured: Fowle was too lazy to discipline Thomas.
Declaration of Independence: Thomas is famous for performing the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence. However, he first declared his own independence by walking out on his apprenticeship with Fowle at the age of sixteen.
Accomplishments: Performed the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence. Reported on the battles of Lexinton and Concord. Published a semi-weekly newspaper called the Massachusetts Spy. Founded the American Antiquarian Society, devoted to preserving the antiquities of America.
Achilles Heel: Headstrong personality.
Future prospects: Dim.

We're baffled, too, Mr. Thomas.

Isiah Thomas 1961 -
Training: Coached in college by Bob Knight, who was widely known for being unstable and irritable.
Punishment Endured: Knight kicked Thomas out of practice on a regular basis.
Declaration of Independence: Having withstood two years of Knight’s abrasive coaching, Thomas left college in 1981 for the greenback pastures of the NBA, enabling him to provide for his previously poor family. (At an alumni dinner the next year, Thomas made Knight uncomfortable by recounting the coach’s use of the term “sunt.”)
Accomplishments: Won two NBA championships with the Detroit Pistons and made multiple All-Star appearances. Considered one of the best point guards of all time. His great success as a player is nearly matched by his failure as a manager. As General Manager and then coach of the New York Knicks, he presided over a stretch of epic dysfunction and profligate spending, capped by the organization’s loss in an $11.6 million sexual harassment suit over Thomas’ behavior.
Achilles Heel: Overweight big men. Overpaid former stars. Sexual harassment trials.
Future Prospects: Reputation is down, but Thomas has a keen eye for young talent and a knack for landing in good situations.

His future's so bright, we had to photoshop in some shades.

Isaiah Thomas 1989? -
Training: Apprenticed to himself. According to a Facebook post by a reliable friend of the author, 12-year-old Isaiah Thomas dominated high school and college kids at a Tacoma Bally’s Fitness. His more senior competitors rolled their eyes when he informed them of his name. He has since been taken under the wings of Lorenzo Romar, Nate Robinson, and Jamal Crawford.
Punishment Endured: Romar pulled Thomas from the starting lineup for showing up to pre-game warmups one minute late because he was having his ankles taped.
Declaration of Independence: At age 17, Thomas left his family and his hometown of Tacoma to attend South Kent School in Connecticut.
Accomplishments: Posted better high school numbers than Isiah Thomas. Averaged over 40 points per game in the state high school tournament. Jumped over a 6’9” teammate for a dunk in practice.
Achilles Heel: Errant jump shots, cheap fouls, Strawberry Pop-Tarts.
Prospects: The name doesn’t lie, Dawg fans. This pup is headed for greatness.

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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Husky Hoop Guide: Your Glossary for the 08-09 Season

The Washington Huskies men's basketball team kicks off its season against Portland tomorrow. Here is a glossary to help you get acquainted with the team:

Blizzard – Whenever any two of the three white Dawgs (Jon Brockman, Artem Wallace, Joe Wolfinger) are on the court together.

Blizzard Supreme – Whenever all three of the aforementioned are on the court together. Unlikely to occur for reasons of offense, defense.

Duran Duran Duran! – Chris Berman play-by-play call for three-pointers made by Joe “Hungry Like The” Wolfinger.

The Redistributionists – Venoy Overton and Isaiah Thomas. Overton was originally slated to bestow his athletic riches upon USC, while Isaiah Thomas spent two years at South Kent School developing his game before coming to the UW. Both players are notorious lefties.

Bargain Doll – Meta-nickname for Quincy Pondexter, comprised of pre-existing nicknames Q-Pon (coupon), and QP (as in the doll). Like an inexpensive children's plaything, Pondexter catches fire easily (see: 25 points in 26 minutes against Arizona in 2007) but cannot necessarily be relied upon for consistent production.

Femerling! – Curse shouted by Joe Wolfinger whenever he re-breaks his foot. It is a reference to Patrick Femerling, the likeable former Husky center who many nevertheless believe cursed future UW 7-footers by failing to secure Rip Hamilton’s rebound in the Sweet 16, returning to Germany shortly thereafter, and looking faintly like a muppet.

Venoying – Punny adjective opposing point guards use to describe Overton’s manic ballhawking defense.

Levi Bill – Former Compton youth sports coach referenced by Romar in a speech at a Big Brothers Big Sisters fundraiser in 2002. Levi Bill always wore Levi's Jeans. He was known for unfailingly, uncritically encouraging his players, and for knowing little about the sports he coached. Critics have accused him of designing some of Washington’s halfcourt sets.

January 22 – My mom’s birthday, and also the day Jockdreams.com named John Brockman “Jock of the Day.” No word yet on whether the latter is an annually recurring honor.

Cameron 50 Cent – Assistant coach Cameron Dollar's club persona. Useful for recruiting visits.

Lorenzo “Super” Romario – Head coach’s Halloween costume.

“This Is Scott Suggs” – declaration that follows highlight plays by freshman from St. Louis. Often accompanied by Jay-Z soundtrack, comparisons to Bill Russell and Michael Jordan, and slick YouTube production.

Fun Fact: 41% of current Husky players and coaches wear mustaches.*

With practice, you too can dunk like the Huskies!

* This fact subject to change.

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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Touring the Association: Seattle Ballers in the NBA

It’s a shame that FSN isn't broadcasting the Blazers up here. The team is a treasure, as anyone who watched them against the Rockets on TNT last night can attest. Husky fans were given a fun flashback when Brandon Roy twisted and elevated for a game-winning buzzer-beating three. (As a senior, he hit two buzzer-beating jumpers in the same game against Arizona, though Arizona ended up winning.) But the best thing about watching the Blazers is their bench; there’s no letdown for viewers when the second string comes in because it bringsthe Flamboyant Spanish duo of Sergio Rodriguez and Rudy Fernandez, as well as one of two gangly jumping jacks, depending on who started: Travis Outlaw or Frenchman Nicolas Batum. In the variegated world of the Association, few things are more exciting than international flash.

Last week I wrote about former Rainier Beach Vikings Nate Robinson and Jamal Crawford, and their impending zenith in Mike D’Antoni’s system. It’s been ups and downs since, with the Knicks losing more than they’ve won and Crawford shooting poorly, but Robinson holding up his end of the bargain. Yesterday, ESPN put up a video about their newest teammate, rookie Danilo Gallinari. It’s called LZ’s Cafe, and in it writer LZ Granderson dines with Gallinari, Blassie or Andre style, and discusses life. Gallinari is known in Italy as Il Gallo, or the Rooster. It’s a fine nickname, and I hope it sticks, but this picture of him reminded me of this.

Since one trope of hoop nicknames is to include pigmentation (Chocolate Thunder, White Chocolate, the Vanilla Gorilla, etc.) and since the image is a throwback, I think it’d be appropriate to dig up some old school racial nomenclature and call Gallinari “The Spree of the Caucasas”. It’s a mouthful, no doubt, but it also sounds like an Obama primary campaign strategy, which of course sounds like a winner. The Rooster has been foreordained by the man with whom he shares half a hue. (Another option would be to allow him to keep the Italian article while translating the noun, making him “Ill Rooster”.)

Speaking of Whitey, Spencer Hawes continues to impress, the result of finally getting his body fat below ten percent (it’s amazing how long it takes some athletes to figure that one out). He also still looks like Michael Phelps. Former Franklin star Aaron Brooks is shooting 50% from three-point range and still looks like Chris Rock. And his Franklin forebear Jason “Jet” Terry can still fly at 31. Now if only someone would sign Will Conroy.

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The Impending Zenith of Gotham's Rainier Beach Ballers

“Crawford stunned the Indians with his defense and dazzled the crowd with his open-court moves. He had three dunks in the period, including one off an alley-oop pass from guard Nate Robinson.”
-Seattle Times, December 5, 1998

It’s not news that former Rainier Beach ballers Nate Robinson and Jamal Crawford play together in the New York Knicks backcourt. They reunited in 2005 under killjoy Larry Brown and labored on through the the Isiah Thomas era, a circus of sexual harassment litigation and jiggly-tits big men. What is news is that Robinson and Crawford have been unleashed, finally, to play with the fast-paced, fire-and-ice panache that originally made them household names in the 206.

Their new coach, Mike D’Antoni, sports a middle manager’s mustache, but in his day he played with such flair that he was idolized by a young Kobe Bryant. His teams are exhilaratingly fast and fluid; Phoenix came just-the-tip close to burying the bump-and-grind slow-ball paradigm that rivals guaranteed contracts as a cause of NBA fan boredom. They were fast but not hurried, frequent but not wasteful shooters. In fact, despite their shoot-early-and-often approach, they regularly had the most efficient offense in the league. Much credit goes to the personnel, of course—any offense featuring Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire will be efficient—but D’Antoni’s system allowed them to flourish.

After the stifling rigidity of Brown and the comic anarchy of Thomas, D’Antoni’s practiced chaos is the Goldilocks “just right” for the Seattle duo. At heart, they are breakneck improvisers, made restless by the half-court game. While Robinson plays with passion and Crawford with cool reserve, both rely on uncommon speed, quickness, and body control—like former D’Antoni charge Leandro Barbosa, but with more moves.

It may be counterintuitive, but D’Antoni’s run-and-gun system actually curbs or harnesses their worst instincts, as long as neither is relied on too heavily to run the point. The goal of getting a shot within seven seconds precludes the byzantine crossover combos that Crawford uses to set up his long jumpers. And Robinson’s quick trigger—he’s a much better shooter than many fans realize—will be just what the doctor ordered.

Robinson and Crawford aren't All-Stars, but D’Antoni’s system allows them to get back to what they did in high school: running teams out of the gym. It’s easy to idealize that cartoonishly fast, creative style while forgetting the talent gap that helped make it possible. But these guys are cartoonishly fast and creative, and they—and we—deserve a coach who takes advantage of that.

Some clips of Robinson and Crawford in action.

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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I Can't Quit You, NBA

Chicago Bulls forward Luol Deng

This won’t be the most popular column with Seattle fans, but I’ll be damned if I don’t love the NBA. (Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, I suppose.) It’s not just the best ball in the world, it’s also some of the best drama in sports. Here's a quick look at a few storylines that have this fan excited for the the upcoming season.

Fixing the New York Knicks:

For the last several years, the Knicks have been ground zero for NBA drama. Larry Brown openly sabotaged their 2005-2006 season while attempting to ruin the psyche of every young player who came within 100 feet of him. And former team President Isiah Thomas ran the franchise into the ground with chronic mismanagement, topping it it off by losing an $11.6 million sexual harassment trial to a former employee.

Those guys are gone now, but many of their players are not, leaving new coach Mike D’Antoni in a difficult situation. it’s like following up George W. Bush but having to keep his cabinet. D’Antoni’s top foil will likely be insane ballhog/laconic Lothario Stephon Marbury, whose inspirational exercise video will hit stores in time for Christmas, and who said this of D’Antoni’s system:

"From what I've seen, he allowed Steve Nash to dribble the ball for 22 seconds. He allows guys to shoot coming down on the break, one-on-three. For me, I like that style of basketball."

Can he metastasize to the point that the Knicks buy out his contract?

Another Knick to keep an eye on is UW alum Nate Robinson, who’s flourished in D’Antoni’s system in preseason games, averaging nearly a point a minute. He'll be joined in the backcourt by Rainier Beach alum Jamal Crawford and amateur stripper Chris Duhon. And don't forget about rookie lottery pick Danilo "The Rooster" Gallinari. At just 20 years old, he already has a bulging disc in his back. But he also already has a guaranteed contract and his own shoe:

He ain’t gonna die!

Continue reading "I Can't Quit You, NBA"

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Seattle Sports Fans: On Our Own

The indefatigable Bounce proved defatigable the last couple weeks; it returns to find Seattle sports the same charred carcass as a fortnight past. If anything, the situation’s worse: the NBA pre-season has begun, so those withered remains are being triumphantly dry-humped by money-hemorrhaging oligarch Okie owners. (Mr. Anti-Gay Marriage, Aubrey McClendon, likes ‘em lifeless.)

My esteemed colleague Duff McKagan (man, it’s fun to say that) offered his insights on our moribund sports scene yesterday. Suffice it to pun, this ain’t no paradise city!

“We’re like San Diego with shitty weather,” complained my friend TC. (Apologies to San Diego, which at least has LaDainian Tomlinson.) “If you're from Buffalo or Cleveland or Philly, everyone remembers your humiliations. No one really knows how bad we've had it. No one recognizes.”

He’s right. So many times we’ve come so close only to be on the wrong end of a whistle. The Western Conference Finals in ’93; The Sweet Sixteen in ’98; The Super Bowl in ’06; The Sweet Sixteen in ’06. But sports is a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately affair, and the answer is, “not much.” The Mariners established the elite double-century club, becoming the first team ever to spend $100 million for 100 losses. The Seahawks are washed up like medical supplies on a New Jersey beach. Getting a Ty Willingham team to stay competitive in the second half is like getting an unsupervised Aubrey McClendon to stay celibate in a morgue. There are dreams and there are pipe dreams.

But there are also hoop dreams. Jon Brockman, Isaiah Thomas, Venoy Overton, Quincy Pondexter: Seattle turns its lonely eyes to you. You’re a bunch of barely legal ballers being asked to play under the weight of vicariously sought glory, to fulfill the dreams of the frustrated masses. Good luck.

In the meantime, we can get some pleasure from the successes of underdogs like the Buffalo Bills and the Tampa Bay Rays, and we can look forward to the arrival of Sounders FC. Really, though, if we’re wise, we’ll pin our hopes not on kids who can’t drink or teams that aren’t here, but on ourselves. The time has come to sublimate our frustration and grief into our own extraordinary athletic feats, like Brandon Ehrlich has. When was the last time you kicked your ceiling? Self-reliance is the clarion call of the new era of Seattle sports. On that note, I’ll let my favorite coked-out '80s star take it away. Tell ‘em how it’s gotta be, Bobby:

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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YouTube Nostalgia for Depressed Seattle Sports Fans

The Bounce column will return next week. Until then, let these YouTube clips help you through this sad stretch in Seattle sports:

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Ty Willingham Suspends Season to Confront Financial Crisis

University of Washington football coach Tyrone Willingham announced that he is suspending the Huskies' season, just one day before the team's game against the favored Stanford Cardinal, so he can fly to "the other Washington" to address the nation's financial crisis. As evidence of his ability to contribute, Willingham cited his service as PTA Finance Committee Chair at his daughters' school.

"I call on Coach Harbaugh to join me in putting team second and country first," said Willingham. "We are truly facing a crisis. Now is not the time to engage in school rivalries."

Willingham added that he would suspend all blocking, passing, running, and tackling, pending Harbaugh's agreement.

"I was under the impression that they had already suspended tackling," said Oklahoma University running back DeMarco Murray.

Reached on the campaign trail, where he was packing heat like the oven door, Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden said he disapproved of Willingham's decision. "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

Attempts to question Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin were prevented by the McCain campaign, which has not suspended blocking.

Meanwhile, Harbaugh plans to go ahead with the game, whether the Huskies show up or not. “[Their absence] would not have a significant impact on our game plan,” he explained.

Topics: Damon Agnos: The Bounce to Ecstasy!

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Farewell, Dodgeball; Fuck off, Tennis

I recently had the privilege of watching a rough cut of my friend Terry Kegel’s documentary on pick-up soccer in Brazil, Thailand, and Nigeria. It made me want to be there, kicking a ball around a beach or field or even a patch of concrete, talking good-natured shit with a bunch of people I just met. It also made me wonder about the local counterpart. Sure, Seattle’s a big enough town that, if you look in the right places, you can find an impromptu game of a number of different sports. But there are few pick-up games that serve as a destination for both players and spectators, that draw a crowd and go late into the night.

For about a year-and-a-half, on Tuesday and Friday nights, you could find just that in the dodgeball games on the North tennis court at Cal Anderson Park. There were players of all ages, backgrounds, and skill levels; spectators taunting them from the sidelines; others wandering over to play or watch or flirt. On a good Friday night, there could be up to a couple-hundred people, which may not sound like much to the Rucker Park lot, but which sure was fun for an adolescent city with a reputation for shyness—like a drunken, past-curfew party that ends in a handjob.

Starting this week, that’s gone, thanks to the complaints of tennis players and a decision by Seattle Parks and Recreation. You see, thanks to the dozens of people playing dodgeball each of those two nights, ten or so people didn’t get to play their weekly tennis game. And the courts were getting scuffed up, too. Now Dodgeball’s being banished to some less-central location, where fewer people will attend and the games will feel less like a festival.

I’m hesitant to dis any sport that I and so many others have enjoyed watching and playing, especially any sport that warrants a lifetime of dedication from a man as fascinating and good-natured as Jeff Borowiak. But, Tennis, I have a hard time with any sport that requires silence of its audience and in whose most famous tournament players are required to bow or curtsy before royalty. I have a hard time with an expensive sport enjoyed by a few displacing the inexpensive bi-weekly games of the many, games that many more came to watch. I always wished golf courses could be parks, and I don’t see why, for a few hours a week, a tennis court can’t be a dodgeball court. It’s not like dodgeball’s not going to occupy or scuff up the basketball gym it’ll be stuck in next. And, Tennis, let me tell you—basketball is way cooler than you’ll ever be. So from me, Patches O’Houlihan, and any dodgeball fan who cares to join me, we tell you this, Tennis: Fuck off.

Click below for more dodgeball photos, taken on a Tuesday night in August.

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