SuperMall Repels Al-Qaeda

An update to Osama bin Laden's recent missive regarding Homeland Security grants: as part of the paltry $9.15 million the Department of Homeland Security is granting the metropolitan Seattle area in 2006 antiterrorism monies, the King County Journal reports that Auburn's overnamed SuperMall of the Great Northwest, along with Auburn police, are to receive a grant of $48,416 this year to allow Auburn cops to monitor the mall's security cameras. The SuperMall was picked for the honor because it has been identified as one of 47 "critical infrastructure" sites in the state of Washington.

And you thought "critical infrastructure" meant hydroelectric dams, bridges, ports, and the like. Dubya wasn't kidding when he said bin Laden was threatening "our way of life." That would be shopping.

Utilities? Transportation? Oil and gas? So what? Just don't mess with our JCPenney.