Rossi's Got Your Transit Solution Right Here

Dino’s on YouTube, you can watch this and other videos here.

Gubernatorial hopeful Dino Rossi says he wants to put a tunnel replacing the viaduct back on the table as part of his $15 billion transportation plan announced this week. The tunnel, says the PI, was previously rejected by both government and voters. But Rossi wants to shell out $2.79 billion on it anyway. Sounds crazy right? Maybe not. We here at Daily Weekly spent hours last night watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns and piecing together the shredded remnants of the first drafts of the Rossi transit package, pulled from a garbage can outside his Sammamish home. Alternative fixes to the viaduct problem include:

* Giving each resident of West Seattle a commuter jet ski, $789 million.

* Expanding the Duwamish river to canal proportions and taking ferries off the Bremerton route to bring Kent and Federal Way commuters up by water, $982 million (Bremerton commuters will be given those bikes with giant, floating wheels).

* Installing teleporters on either end of the current viaduct, dematerializing vehicles as they enter and rematerializing them on the Aurora Bridge, $3.28 billion (plus Star Trek licensing costs).

* Replace Mayor Greg Nickels with robot, have Robot Nickels announce Seattle’s secession from Washington State to all his Democratic constituents making the whole thing no longer our problem, $2.31 billion to $4.76 billion depending on model year of robot.

* Unveil “Flying Cars by 2020” plan (costs unknown, still in discussions with research staff behind documentary Back to the Future).

You can read the final draft here.