Being 'The Guy Who Hates Soccer': Still a Meal Ticket in Local Media
Fat people like to complain that they're the last minority group of whom you're still allowed to be openly contemptuous in enlightened society. 
These people are excited. But why?
Not true! Soccer, and its fans, remain a perennial, if thoroughly predictable, subject of bemused contempt among a certain class of wags who think of themselves as grizzled and no-nonsense.
The rant about soccer--and how dull, low-scoring, tolerant of tie-games, and suspiciously foreign it is--is such a rote cliche in American media, it's amazing anyone's still being paid to trot it out. Yet there's seattlepi.com columnist Jim Moore giving it one more run this morning, on the occasion of the Sounders' participation in the MLS playoffs. In a piece titled "Trying, and failing, to embrace the beautiful game," he calls last Thursday night's 0-0 match between the Sounders and the Houston Dynamo "ninety minutes of nothing."
Moore hits all the usual notes, including alerting the reader to how wildly un-p.c. he's being. "Apparently I'm an ugly American who wants more scoring and fewer ties -- excuse me, 'draws.'" (Moore also finds use of the word "match" to be suspect; does he have a prejudice too against boxing?) Typically, he's very fond of the shootout--the most-loathed way of deciding a game, for any true soccer fan--and suggests it be used every time.
The problem with these anti-soccer guys (and they're universally guys, in my experience) is not that they dislike the sport. Nothing wrong with that. It's that they think the problem lies with the sport and not with them.
Imagine if some local media figure wrote a column about how insufferable baseball is--all the interminable standing around; the endless throwing of a tiny ball, over and over, at speeds too fast to distinguish one from the next; the games that go on and on, without any timer, and where one team may not even get a single hit. Obviously this columnist would be deemed an idiot who doesn't understand or appreciate the game. No one would blame the game. No one would take seriously such a person's suggestions for revamping the game.
Likewise, Moore's complaints are also a joke. The Sounders-Dynamo match was actually some wonderful, end-to-end soccer--fun and exciting for anyone who gets the sport. The MLS is never going to get anywhere by trying to "Americanize" itself for guys like Moore. It needs to concentrate on fostering what everyone else in the world has come to enjoy--the thrill of a well-played game, no matter the score.
8 comment(s)
ravegreen1 says:
Jerk.
Posted On: Friday, Nov. 6 2009 @ 12:02PM
Jeremy says:
As one that has often criticized the sport on my own site, much like Jim Moore did in his article, I found your piece to be well written and persuasive in seeing the sport in a different light. Good job (and this from a Dynamo fan).
Posted On: Friday, Nov. 6 2009 @ 12:30PM
Seely says:
Wait, what? Isn't this the same MF Truth Squadder who once dismissed the MSL as a third-rate version of the elite Euro-game? I agreed with that guy, not sure I agree with this guy.
Posted On: Friday, Nov. 6 2009 @ 1:02PM
Mark Fefer says:
That's a totally different discussion Seely. Sure, on its worst days, the MLS is boring and third-rate. But Thursday wasn't one of those days.
The point is that Moore has no feeling for soccer whatsoever--whether good soccer or bad. He wouldn't be enjoying a 0-0 Champions League game either. And he seems to think somehow that's soccer's fault.
Posted On: Friday, Nov. 6 2009 @ 1:12PM
Greg says:
damn mark fefer, you are motherfuckin's right.
nice writeup and good choice of words.
Posted On: Friday, Nov. 6 2009 @ 2:12PM
giveuswhatwewant says:
Sort of like the women who write Sarah Palin bashing pieces. They're making money writing irrelevant pieces that no one wants to read.
Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 10:21AM
AKFrostbite says:
Great piece, thank you. I moved to the States from Germany as a 14 year old, but I grew to love football and baseball when I took the time to learn and appreciate their subtleties and nuances (really, a balk??). I know it can be done. Maybe Jim will get there some day.
Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 11:34AM
SoundersNerd says:
Very well done and excellent analysis. I, too, am sick of this dominate mentality. How much longer will it last? Will the Sounders success (current and future) finally shut them up?
Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 10:08PM