In New York City $27,000 per month can get you a fancy apartment in the West Village. It can't, however, get you a free ticket to trash the place and nearly burn it down.

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#suicideFAIL

Any man who makes a rich living on the backs of kitty cat photos and nut-shot videos probably has a happy-go-lucky approach to life, right? For Cheezburger Network founder Ben Huh that apparently wasn't always the case.

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Coffee baron Howard Schultz has much to teach our youth about the wonders of American sport. And for a competitive fee, Schultz can be booked for your next "coaching clinic" where he will presumably teach young athletes how to sell their team out for as much cash as possible.

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Two pieces of Amanda Knox-related news to report this morning--one more gosspiy than the other.

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Bill Gates demonstrates his power

For the 29th year in a row I've been snubbed by Forbes magazine and its list of "The World's Most Powerful People."

Not so for world hero Bill Gates.

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Jean-shorted lip demon Courtney Stodden and her Z-list actor husband Doug Hutchison present a special kind of problem for certain writers (or at least for myself). On the one hand, what they do is so phenomenally unimportant that bothering to mention it makes me feel dirty, like I was a 51-year-old who married a 16-year-old bride or something.

But on the other hand, what they do and who they are is so ridiculous that writing about it almost seems obligatory.

At any rate, the disturbing couple's latest antics involve a pumpkin patch--a sexy, sexy pumpkin patch.

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Vivid Entertainment, the company that's brought you such timeless films as Kimberly Kane's Been Black Maled and Savanna's Anal Gangbang, is in the market for a new spokesperson.

Company president Steve Hirsch's first choice: Amanda Knox.

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A Seattle man says he has a "vampire photo" taken right after the Civil War of actor Nicholas Cage, and he wants $1 million for it.

Jack Mörd says the photo depicts a man named "Professor G.B. Smith" from Bristol, Tenn., and was taken in 1870. It was found in an album full of portraits from the Civil War era.

Is the photo a hoax?

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MTV's The Real World--the show that so gently deflowered America's love for reality television back in 1992--Is apparently still a show.

And it turns out that the network would like people to be on this show--Seattle people! So if you're a gender-confused street artist with a case of Crohn's and a heart of gold, or a recovering bath-salts addict with a million-dollar iPhone-app idea and a foot fetish, we suggest you be at the following location this Saturday.

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Courtney Stodden is smarter than you.

For ril.

All she had to do was find a loophole in Washington state's pedophilia laws, find a creepy, old, washed-up actor to marry her, and boom: reality show.

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