The Maxim Review: Bryan Adams

In the spirit of Maxim magazine's "educated guess" policy on record reviews, here's The Maxim Treatment. Who said you needed to listen to the album in order to write a good review?

Bryan Adams
11
(Universal)
Release Date: May 6

Sophomore year of college, my roommate was a massive human being name Joe. He was from utmost northeast Ohio, was about 6'6", 280 lbs, and had the overall appearance of a potato, big and lumpy. To liken his personality to a potato, however, would actually do the potato an injustice. Expecting much more from my college experience, my heart sank when he entered the dorm room with his mother and sister, both of whom also resembled potatoes and said, loud enough for the entire dorm to hear: "Joe...do you want your underwear in this drawer?" He began unpacking his CDs (all four of them) lining them up on his desk. I gave them a once over and, like all record snobs, was able to assume everything there was to know about my roommate. The CDs were:

1. Beach Boys 20 Good Vibrations, Greatest Hits Volume 1 (mild trace of hope here)
2. Soundtrack to Cocktail (he liked the movie so much he bought the soundtrack?!?!?!)
3. Soundtrack to Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera (jesus...)
4. Bryan Adams Waking Up the Neighbors (all hope lost)

I looked at the CDs. I looked at Joe. Then I walked the length of wing looking for rooms with spare beds.