Whisker Tones: What the Hair on Your Face Says About Your Music

As the saying goes, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but you can discover plenty about a band or celebrity by looking at nothing more than the follicles of their face. Don't believe me? Read on for proof. Or see for yourself in person. Fleet Foxes (Wednesday),
Iron & Wine (Saturday), and Band of Horses (Tuesday) are each bringing their distinct genre of beard to the Paramount this week.

The I've Let Myself Go (pictured above): While there is no singular sound associated with this style of beard, it generally signifies a career crossroads for an artist, or at least a departure from an established norm. Records produced while flaunting this look often have an obtuseness that says, "Look, I don't give a fuck about shaving because I'm, like, going through something here!" The I've Let Myself Go looks like bad breakups, good drugs, and houses without mirrors. It is also generally accompanied by long hair.

Example: John Lennon sports this style on the cover of his and Yoko's Wedding Album, which contains just one song per side--one includes sounds and conversations captured during their famous bed-in, the other features 23 minutes of the pair calling each other's names over a rhythm track of heartbeats.

See also: Ben Bridwell of Band of Horses, who should name his next project Carissa's Beard; Elvis Costello's Mighty Like a Rose, which Declan himself deemed "an angry record"; the blues-heavy L.A. Woman from the Doors; Joaquin Phoenix circa I'm Still Here.

The Indie-Intellectual: Unkempt and with hair from cheek to mid-neck, this beard is favored by college philosophy professors everywhere--and the songwriters who inspire them. Wearers of this style tend to make music that is tuneful, harmony-rich, and fawned over by NPR stations. Indie-intellectual beardies are also prone to penning head-scratching but awesome-sounding lyrics like "Only love is all maroon/Gluey feathers on a flume/Sky is womb and she's the moon." Whoa, that's deep . . . or something.

Examples: Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago, which was recorded by Justin Vernon in a log cabin after a breakup and while having mononucleosis. Can you record in a log cabin without a beard?

See also: Damien Rice; Kyp Malone of TV on the Radio.