COMEINAYEAHHHH-HAAAAAAA!

​Holly Holy, Tuesday just got a whole lot better. Our old friend Ashley just dropped us a musical candy graham with word that Neil Diamond will be posting up at KeyArena with his greatest hits (it'll be a long night) on Monday, July 23, 2012. Tickets go on sale Monday at 10 a.m. via Ticketmaster. If you've got to see the sequined one up close, I suggest getting your tickets early. Otherwise, the age-old strategy of strolling up to the gate for half-priced scalped tickets after a half-dozen beers at McMenamins should do the trick.

While we're all celebrating the news, I want to take a second to ask a quick question: Why isn't Diamond revered on the same level as Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson in rock and pop circles?

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​Tickets to the New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys joint tour go on sale this Saturday, December 11. So, who cares? Apparently, enough people that Live Nation decided to back a massive show starring the former Tiger Beat heartthrobs slated for July 8 of next year at the Tacoma Dome. Here are five types of people who are sure to be appreciative recipients of tickets to said show.

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Just got a press release from Live Nation publicist Ashley Graham, which has caused us to dust off her eponymous column, just this once. Graham just informed us via email that Eagles bassist Timothy Schmit, whose lone vocal contribution the group's chart-topping canon was the awful "I Can't Tell You Why," is sicker than Glenn Frey after snorting a kilo of baby laxative on the set of Miami Vice. Thus, the Eagles' May 13 (that's tonight!) KeyArena concert has been postponed to May 26.

This news prompted us to write Graham back: "Seems like Schmit has taken it to the limit one too many times." Indeed, although the otherwise silent Randy Meisner actually sang lead on that epic weeper.

​When last we heard from piano men Billy Joel and Elton John, they had to postpone their pair of KeyArena shows on account of John's having the swine flu. Hopefully he won't relapse in the early days of 2010, as Ashley Graham's just informed us that the shows have been rescheduled for February 3 and 6. Tickets for the originally scheduled November 4 show will be valid for the Feb. 3 show, just as Nov. 7 tickets will work for Feb. 6.

Cheech & Chong, cheek to cheek.

​Word out of Ashley Graham's "Send" key is that Cheech & Chong will be gigging at Bellingham's Mt. Baker Theatre on Feb. 11 (tix on sale this Friday). Obviously undaunted by Tommy Chong's recent stint in prison for marijuana-related malfeasance, the theme for the tour is "Get It Legal."

There's only one proper way to react to this news, and to react that way during normal business hours would be liable to get me fired. So instead, dearest Ash, I'll just pretend I reacted that way and go find the nearest all-you-can-eat lunch buffet.

​The indefatigable Ashley Graham just sent us a press release announcing that one of Reverb's favorite whipping boys, John Mayer, would be playing KeyArena on March 31, with Michael Franti and Spearhead opening.

To which we replied, in a note to Ms. Graham: "Does the deluxe package for this show include a post-concert cruise around Elliott Bay on the Mayercraft Carrier 2 and a chance to engorge on Mayer's deluxe package?"

Joel & John, in healthier days.

​Ashley Graham just sent out a release that will dampen the autumns of post-menopausal women and queens of a certain age: "Promoter Live Nation and the KeyArena were informed by management today that Elton John has been advised by his doctor to postpone these performances due to a serious case of e-coli bacterial infection and influenza. Organizers of the event are working to establish a new date. All patrons who have purchased tickets for the Face 2 Face concerts on Wednesday, November 4 and Saturday, November 7 at the Key Arena are being asked to hold on to their tickets until more information is available regarding the proposed rescheduled engagement."

To which we replied: "Goodbye Elton John, though we won't be hearing you at all in the fall, we hope you ditch the ecoli. Loneliness is tough, but not as tough as it'll be on the bartender's tip jar at the Fairmount Olympic, when Billy Joel cancels his room. It seems to me you've toured together since Poppy Bush was Prez, never knowing who will headline til after a game of Simon Says. And we would have liked to have heard you, but we'll survive, playing your greatest hits CDs, and wishing Lou Rawls were alive."

​Morrissey wil be playing the Moore on November 29, and tickets go on sale this Saturday. Who else but Ashley Graham could have delivered this news to our inbox? Ms. Graham's press release remarked that the High Priest of Smithdom is "surely in the rudest of creative health." We're not sure what that means, but we love it anyway.

Channeling our innermost 'mo, we offered Ms. Graham the following response to this wonderful news: "Do you have a vacancy for a back scrubber...on Morrissey's tour bus." A boy can dream, can't he?

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​ Dire Straits founder Mark Knopfler has a new album, Get Lucky, coming out tomorrow. But according to a release that just landed in my inbox from the ever-prolific Ashley Graham, he won't be performing these new tracks, along with countless classics, live until April 8, when he'll be appearing at the Moore. To catch the guitar legend in this intimate a setting should be a real treat, which explains in part my immediate reaction to Graham's release: "Hey la, my boyfriend's back." (To those familiar with Knopfler's oeuvre, that wink at perhaps Knopfler's best-known track should make all the sense in the world.)

​ Ashley Graham just sent out a press release announcing the availability of $10, no-fee tickets to shows featuring Blink 182, Poison, and Def Leppard at White River. Our reaction, which was swiftly sent in reply to Ms. Graham: "Hopefully, when Blink 182 plays, I'll blink -- and then be unable to open my eyes for the remainder of their set. And when Def Lepard plays, hopefully I'll go temporarily deaf. And when Poison is about to play, hopefully they'll get food poisoning and have to cancel."