The J.Crew catalogue called, they said they're vomiting blood all over themselves

​So, last week, Time.com published an article entitled "Wanna Be a Rock Star? You'll Need $100,000," written by Abner and Harper Willis, two brothers who would very much like their band Two Lights to be wildly famous and massively recouping--and who apparently feel no shame in whining about exactly how much they (or their parents) have spent trying, and thus far failing, to make that happen.

The article is a staggering work of naivety and special-snowflake entitlement; so much about it is just abhorrently wrong-headed--starting with its title, since that $100,000 has not yet in fact made them rock stars--that one would have to excerpt the entire thing just to make fun of it properly. They're shocked to find dingy couches, rather than champagne fountains, in a backstage area! They hire taxis to transport their gear! They seem to believe that "once upon a time...your band would play local clubs in a major city, make a buzz, and an A&R (artists and repertory) guy would sign you and write you a blank check" and that, even still, "if we make it in the music business -- we'll soon be earning a lot more money than even doctors and lawyers." They actually complain that their parents have spent thousands of dollars on buying them mountains of brand new gear and years of piano lessons!

They're like those rich kids from the Strokes only without the good sense to shut up--or, you know, any songs worth a damn. (Although, this parody number is pretty fucking brilliant.)

And yet, for all its moaning, self-indulgent bullshit, the article actually gets one thing right.

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"A lot of people's girlfriends are in there." -the New Yorker

​Look at these guys! You don't have to be Sasha Frere-Jones to know that these dudes party hard, have a sweet van (I've partied in it--it's awesome!), and score mad groupie love from Vashon Island to the 9th Ward. Look at that skull! And those shades! And the cowboy hat! Ladies, try to compose yourselves.

And! But! So! The Pharmacy's infamous road doggin' ways have in fact landed them in no less highbrow a publication than The New Yorker's "Goings On About Town," along with personal skuzz pop punk faves Japanther. To wit (emphasis mine):

The Pharmacy is an off-kilter ensemble from Seattle that has gained notoriety in warehouses and house parties across the country. Their music is frank, party-oriented garage rock, but it's mostly an excuse to get the trio out on the road; you'd be hard pressed to find another group as firmly committed to rock and roll as a way of life, and they boast a transnational faction of female devotees to prove it.

Dudes, Wallace Shawn's dad basically just called you mega-studs! Inconceivable! I hope that Pharmacy stocks BIRTH CONTROL. Etc.

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​​Before we do anything, check out reignwolf.com, then, we can begin beating around the bush. Translate the excitement of that wolf-wearing beachfront scene, to the dingy confines of hip basement bar the Cha Cha, and you'll probably get an accurate picture of the Reign Wolf (not Wolf's Rain) set you'll be seeing Sunday night. Reign Wolf is, of course, a pseudonym for an awesome, recently-relocated-to-Seattle musician who's boots I (and some other guy) notably photographed recently (over there-->), and who will be backed up by several other amazing local instrument handlers this night.

Full line-up after the jump.

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Hey, it could happen

​This weekend prospectively holds some fun times, among which is a video-shoot for local intellectual party-rappers Hi-Life Soundsystem, which happens to be open to anyone with a flair for fun, and maybe a pair of skates. If you wander down to the Southgate Roller Rink at around 10:30 Sunday night, and get your boogie extra-right, you could find yourself soaking up some well-edited Youtube time in the near future, which always makes for good Facebook fodder. The video is for an as-yet undisclosed track from their next album "Langston Hugh Hefner: Love, Weed and Other Vices" (out early-January).

HLSS is, of course, signed to local extra-indie Members Only, a label owned by five extremely hard-working guys who are as passionate about life as they are about the music they push. Sadly, news has recently broken that part owner, and long-time party-make-happener/good mood provider Rob Milliron has been diagnosed with a very serious condition called cystic medial necrosis, a condition that has wreaked havoc on his well-being and actually nearly claimed his life this summer. Having spent a hefty amount of time in the hospital since then, his medical bills have become unmanageable, and the Members Only team has decided to put a couple of songs up for sale on their site to raise money for the cause. You can pick them up here (and please do), and please believe, if a benefit show materializes in the near future, you better make it a point to show up, because knowing MO, it will be the poppinest benefit show that ever did go down.

Read a statement from Rob (pulled from a local music forum) after the jump...

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www.micodenoche.us

​The lineup tonight at the Funhouse could really add an explosive element to your Thursday. Here's why it's going to kick so much ass:

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Looking for something to do this weekend? Sure you are. Here are a few happenings to consider while you're waking up from your turkey-coma:

Slow Dance @ Nectar
This is Slow Dance's album release party for their debut album Risk It All. The album is really good, and these guys know a thing or two about partying. Producer extraordinare P Smoov and raunch-rap ringleader Type are opening. Categories: Dance, hip hop, optional over-consumption, dirty joke-telling.

Eastern Grip @ The Sunset
This is a possible farewell show for local indie rockers Eastern Grip. At minimum, it's their last show for a good while, so catch 'em while you can. Categories: good times, good pizza, tennis-grip references.

http://www.myspace.com/youmaydieinthedesert

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You're basically going to overdose on family and the remains of ritualistic bird sacrifice tomorrow right? So tonight, why don't you treat yourself to a grimy, low calorie, family-free rock show? Reverb favorites You.May.Die.In.The.Desert (let's take a walk, if we may, back to October, when they filled Ballard Ave. with all the right kind of noise) are headlining The Black Lodge tonight with like-minded Seattle group Panther Attack, and Las Vegas rockers Caravels. Show starts at nine as usual. Go have yourself an awesome time, you deserve it.

​It's a slow night for live music--not surprising, considering it's a Monday and a short holiday week. If you're still looking to get out, though, we recommend Crocodile's back bar. In tonight's installment of the Office Industry Happy Hour series, local artist Derek Erdman will be DJing punk rock tunes from 5-9 p.m. with his Total Poseurs radio show co-host Dave Hernandez, formerly, of course, of the Shins.

For an idea of what to expect, here's a list of Erdman and Hernandez's combined favorite punk bands, in no particular order: Black Flag, Dicks, Electric Eels, COC, Husker Du, GISM, Pagans, Meat Puppets, Effigies, Articles Of Faith, Born Against, Agnostic Front, Misfits, Exploited, the Fix, Zero Boys, Wipers, Minutemen, Die Kreuzen, Angry Samoans, Life Sentence, 7 Seconds, Urban Waste, the Huns, Big Boys, Crucifucks, Feederz, Germs, Jerry's Kids, JFA, DRI, GBH, 0DFX, Negative Approach, the Stains, Middle Class, Mentors, Proletariat, Really Red, Saccharine Trust, Suicide Commandos, Toxic Reasons, X_X, Bad Brains, Fear, Septic Death, Sham 69, The Panics, Void, Flipper, The Damned, Dead Kennedys, Rudimentary Peni, Youth Brigade, Minor Threat, Adolescents, Cryptic Slaughter, The Accused, GG Allin, Rezillos, Black Flag, Corrosion of Conformity, Death, The Saints, Born Against, Misfits, Zero Boys, The Meatmen, Angry Samoans, Life Sentence, Crucifucks, Germs, Negative Approach, The Spits.

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​By now you've heard the mammoth news that the Purple One is gracing the Tacoma Dome on December 19. Now that I've had a few days to recover from said earth-shaking news, I've been pondering, who's going to have the honor of opening the show?

On earlier legs of Prince's Welcome 2 America Tour, which began last December in East Rutherford, New Jersey, and has gone through Europe and Canada, the opening spot has been varied and pretty star-studded. The Portland Grammy winner Esperanza Spalding opened the very first couple of dates. Jazz trumpeter Maceo Parker has made an appearance. Prince's "favorite new artist" Janelle Monae opened one of his Madison Square Garden shows last December (they also performed Sign o' the Times' "If I Was Your Girlfriend" together). Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings opened another of his MSG shows. Other featured openers have been Cee Lo Green, Anthony Hamilton, and Chaka Khan.

Who'll it be this December? Nothing's been announced yet--we'll let you know as soon as we do. I have an ideal opener in mind; it won't surprise anyone who reads this blog regularly.

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​The last time Reverb checked in with New Pornographer Kathryn Calder, the British Columbian was still touring off her heartbreaking 2010 release Are You My Mother? But just last month, Calder released her second album, Bright and Vivid, a collection of sweet synthpop songs that prove her firm standing as a solo artist. (Click through the jump to watch the video for the album's first single, "Who Are You?," which features mirrors, prisms, and dancing shapes). And now Calder's back in town tomorrow night to showcase her new music.

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