Martha Stewart v. Capitalism

Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year, is looming on the horizon, and despite the fact that the idea of crowds of crazed shoppers fighting over sweaters and toys instills fear in my heart, that is not the (entire) reason I don't want to succumb to the mall when it comes to my holiday shopping this year. No, I just wanted to try to make my holidays a little less capitalist and a little more Martha Stewart. You guessed it: I wanted a DIY Christmas.

Note the past tense: wanted.

See, I'm not so sure anymore. I was poring over my December issue of Martha Stewart's Living (hipster-dom be damned; the woman's got cred), and Martha was giving me all these inspired ideas for making my own gifts for folks this year. I thought, "No sweat."

Alas, today I made a trip to my local craft store, and I realized something: Maybe I'm just not all that crafty. I mean, creative, sure; but crafty? I had no idea creative and crafty lived in such different worlds. I looked at tins and paint and wreaths and stickers and yarn and fabric and even iron-on patches -- all to no avail. I couldn't think of one thing I could actually pull off that wouldn't look like an 8-year-old made it.

Once when I actually was 8, I took a Styrofoam ball, painted it red and then wrote "Happy Mother's Day" on it for my mom on said holiday. Then I told my mom to come outside, so I could show her the gift I made her. She obliged, and I then added the piece de resistance to my gift: a firecracker. I lit it and then threw the red ball into the air as I yelled, "Happy Mother's Day!" That's right, I had made my mother a bomb for a gift.

I'm thinking I might be making a trip to the stores on Friday after all. If it doesn't work out, I can always go back to the craft store to get some Styrofoam balls.