It's Like MTV...With Bad Dialogue

I think Hollywood has a conspiracy going to ruin my self-esteem through dance movies. I mean, I've taken as many dance classes as the next person and been at least pretty good at all of them. And yet, somehow I never end up at the center of a do-or-die battle where my dancing skills are my weapon of choice. There is never a devastatingly attractive man from the other side of the tracks to help me improve my moves and then fall desperately in love with me through all obstacles.

I keep figuring it's just me, because a whole series of movies show us that urban areas are just full of white kids who would be hip hop phenoms with astounding natural talent if only they were given the right incentive. Take the latest one I saw - Step Up 2: The Streets (out on DVD next week). If main character Andie (Briana Evigan) can form an improbably talented crew of street dancers and gain mass acclaim for a single unprecedented performance why can't I?

Oh right, because Hollywood is delusional. The only reason the first Step Up movie (also featuring two underdog white kids) had any following was because star Channing Tatum is and was gorgeous. He shows up again in the sequel but only for one scene in the first twenty minutes. It's all downhill from there, really. The dancing is, of course, fantastic, thanks to the film's crew of choreographers (Jamal Sims, Hi-Hat, Dave Scott). However, the plot is so laughably banal that the movie is kind of like a wedding where the happy couple spent all their money stocking the bar at the reception so instead of cake it's Twinkies for everyone.

I'll give them this though, they didn't miss a single screen romance cliche. The token misgivings between Andie and male lead Chase (Robert Hoffman) that vanish for no real reason? Check. The "serious moment" when the couple sits alone and eventually the mutual attraction can't be hidden any longer? Check. The rocky patch, complete with a montage of the two of them miserably alone? Check. The reconciliation with overdone makeup kiss? Check indeed. The improbable union of the only two attractive white kids in the whole movie? Oh yeah, that too.

These movies hinge on the dancing and the male lead, and with one-note pretty boy Chase they totally missed the boat. I kept having to tell myself "It's not funny! He's fighting his inner demons here!" Although I did find someone to be in love with - check out geeky Moose (Adam G. Sevani) bust out a dance to the hip hop ringtone on his phone and see if you can resist him! Or just skip to the special features and watch the music videos and extended dance footage, to get the dancing without the annoyance of skipping through all the dialogue.