John Updike at Benaroya Last Night, Exactly As It Happened
Posted Nov. 13, 2008 at 10:54 am by David Stoesz
[The rustling of silk scarves and the murmur of sophisticated conversation dies down as the lights darken.]
Seattle Arts and Lectures Woman (in monotone): I'd like to set the tone for the evening by reciting some pious generalizations about literature and truth.
[Does so]
Now please welcome David Guterson, some woman who's associated with the museum or something, and John Updike.
[Subdued applause, plus me drunkenly screaming things such as "Woo!" and "Yeah!" while heads half-turn my way in stern disapproval]
David Guterson: In keeping with both the previous remarks and my own writing style, I'd like to ask you, Mr. Updike, a series of mind-numbingly banal questions.
[Does so.]
John Updike: Thank you. I'm far too courtly not go along with your determination to stifle all spontaneity from this evening, so I will now answer all your stupid questions in a thorough and thoughtful fashion, with occasional flashes of my trademark wit and impish humor.
[Does so.]
David Guterson: Thank you. And now I'm going to turn you over to the woman who's associated with the museum or something.
Woman Who's Associated With The Museum or Something: Since you are perhaps our most important living writer, and this may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for most people to see you, I'd like to turn this into a big fucking commercial for the Edward Hopper show at SAM. Could you please comment on these slides of his paintings? Since the screen is directly behind us, the only way for you to see them will be to stand up and awkwardly crane your neck.
John Updike: OK
[While awkwardly craning his neck makes some apparently off-the-cuff remarks on the slides, full of musical Updikean phrases like "The front porch is a box of light" and "the radiator crouches in the corner like a toad."]
David Guterson: Now we have some more stupid questions, this time from the audience. Because we are the most literate city in the country, some of these questions will contain the word "insouciance."
[Reads the questions]
John Updike: I think I may actually be in a coma at this point. And yet the end is in sight, so I will answer these questions quickly.
[Does so]
Seattle Arts and Lectures Woman (in monotone): Thank you, Mr. Updike.
John Updike: Yes, I'm sure of it now. Definitely in a coma now. If you could please load me on a gurney and take me back to the Westin now, that would be super.
Topics: Books & Authors
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Cover Story: Critical Mass
Comments
This is news to who?
Posted Nov. 14, 2008 at 11:33 am by James EarlyVery amusing, if not insouciant. I would enjoy a follow-up article on WHY the event was so vapid — or maybe on why Guterson was, as his book East of the Mountains was not.
Posted Nov. 14, 2008 at 12:08 pm by Chris Hanson