"I know my own needs ... I request nothing beyond the thickly COO-shunned seats available even in soft Corinthian leather."

Goodbye, Ricardo Montalban. The world has just become a lot less sexy.

If you wonder (and sometimes I do) why the hell anyone would go to an author reading, Friday night at Hugo House provided a convincing answer. Wonderfully curated and unpretentiously hosted by program director Alix Wilber, this second installment of the Hugo Literary Series featured truly riveting "performances" by three disparate authors on the theme of Personal Injury. Richard Rodriguez (above) conveyed his sad and wry recollection of illness like he was creating it on the spot, his compressed poetic language seeming to gesture at everything. Sallie Tisdale was much more of a text reader, but her memoir of a Ski Patrol brother gathered an awesome power like the avalanches she described. Local boy Ryan Boudinot went all-comedic, closing out the night with an absurd piece, flawlessly delivered--wit, timing, vocal tics, bland Bob Newhart appearance, he's got it all. Musical guest Laura Veirs, being a singer-songwriter, naturally took heartbreak to be her  Personal Injury, introducing the show with two pieces that were spare, tender and hooky. (And could you be more my type Laura? Damn.)

When I chatted with Rodriguez and Tidsdale at the afterparty, they both marveled at how game and supportive the packed house had been, in contrast to the kind of skeptical, show-me audiences they often encounter. Of course, that Seattle enthusiasm is too often just a self-congratulatory haze bestowed on mediocrity. What a pleasure to be there on a night when it was earned.

... as a bald black man.

Another satisifed customer

The gentleman from Centerfolds, "the Northwest's only male strip club for ladies only!", were walking the streets of downtown and Pioneer Square today as part of a weekly Thursday promotion. (Last week they wore only boxer briefs!) SW Calendar Editor Erika Hobart giddily had her picture taken with her favorite of the three.

"This is pretty much the best day ever," she said. "And to think I almost worked from home!"

The loot

www.sogonow.com

A gaggle of showgirls from Sin City will be at the Seattle/Bainbridge/Bremerton ferry terminal at 5 p.m. entering people in a contest to win a trip to Las Vegas.

Have you ever wondered how to secure a "compatible future" with your significant other? Dr. Rakesh Chopra can help you -- he makes a living analyzing people's personalities through pictures, voice and handwriting. Originally from New Delhi, India, Dr. Chopra is visiting the Northwest and Seattle for the first time, and will be in the area until November 15th.

According to Dr. Chopra, he's here to help people experience deeper relationships as well as peace, joy and bliss. To find out, you'll first need to pay up. Personal consultations run at $100 per hour, while his online program prices range from $250 for one month of access to $2500 for six. Once you've made your payment, the instructions are clear:

1. Send an e-mail (specific & focused) about your Problem/Goal. Write very clearly what is the relationship; what is it that you want; & what is the situation in the present.
2. Scan your photograph & scan the photograph of the concerned person (your relation) & e-mail along with your question at solutions@stepcircle.com. Photos can be in the jpeg or gif format but not exceeding the size of 500KB.
3. Dr Chopra will respond to your e-mail within 36 hours of your payment confirmation.

Chopra will only be around for another two weeks, so act fast -- he's staying in Olympia but can easily travel to Seattle, assures his representative, Marlene Bennett. Based on my voice, Dr. Chopra inferred that I'm someone who likes to ask questions (very telling, as I was interviewing him over the phone). I'm also confident but would like more organization in my life -- true, I guess, but wouldn't everybody?

He also offers advice to celebrities (remotely), such as that he gave to Brad Pitt after looking at a picture of Angelina Jolie. Brad is "a very mature and down to earth person. [He] must absorb certain unacceptable behaviors of Angelina and she will be devotionally committed to him. Angelina does not actually mean to behave as she does at times, it just happens." Somehow I doubt Brangelina were contacted for payment.

Now that it appears that Silverchair's Daniel Johns is keeping his food down, I'm having a hard time telling the difference between he and Mr. Upchuck Reflex himself, K-Fed. One of the men above was fronting Silverchair Friday night at The Showbox. But which one?

I give you the top three celebrity must-have accessories for summer, so you can be the first on your block to live like the stars you so envy.

No. 3 — The iPhone

You love it. You know you want one. Even the Microsofties across the water are drooling on their PCs over this new gizmo. Wonder if our pal L'Lohan had a problem getting her cell number transferred to the new gadget (seen here in her left hand). Of course, she's probably just using it to watch "Dramatic Prairie Dog" 25 times a day like the rest of us would.

No. 2 — A corn dog

It'll totally dispel those pesky eating disorder rumors and most likely raise your positive press by promoting (alleged) baby bump gossip.

And the No. 1 celebrity must-have accessory for summer is ...

Woody Harrelson

You read it here first.

Katie Holmes made a trip to the hair stylist this month — while Tom, of course, stayed in Crazy Town.

I love the new 'do (and the big shades, though, I could do without the crazy-ass, Scientology-riffic smile), but I miss little Joey Potter from "Dawson's Creek."

In loving memory of Miss Josephine Potter, I'd like to reenact a scene from that beautiful teen drama that once was:
Joey: "People change, Dawson." Insert poignant head tilt.
Dawson: "They don't have to." Insert wistful stare.

He looks exactly like I would expect Chris Daughtry would look like with a few more cigarettes and a lot more hair, and the accompanying products needed to maintain the image of an aging rocker turned French restaurateur.

The cooling rocker was in Seattle this week, playing at the Fenix for MSN's Music in Concert Series. I'm about as bored watching this as he is performing. And that's saying something.