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Image by Rod Filbrandt

They've let up a little today, but my colleagues here at SW were all whine, whine, whine about the cold yesterday and with snow on the horizon and temperatures back into the teens by Friday I expect it to get worse.

I love the cold, real cold, none of that drizzly 35 degrees crap. What my co-workers don't understand is that temperatures well below freezing are the one time it's socially acceptable to wear everything in the comfy cozy, and yes, totally shapeless category. First there's the puffy jacket--and not that thin one you got for the family ski trip. You need something that makes you look like a pumpkin. Mine is copper and comes with a hooded collar. Temperatures in the teens is the only time I have a chance to break it out without looking like a desperate attempt to bring J.Lo fashion sense to the Northwest.

An undershirt is generally accepted for winter, since the tight-fitting tube tops are out. And wool gloves or mittens are obvious musts. We live in Seattle so everyone has a pair of hiking socks. Wear them. And if you don't do hats, well there's nothing I can do for you.

But the real sticking point for my colleagues is the long underwear. "They make me feel like a marshmallow," says the writer who shall remain nameless in the next cube over. That is exactly the wrong attitude. The thin, lightweight, yet warming Patagonia set from REI (that I'm wearing right now) makes you feel warm, cozy and able to withstand anything mother nature might throw at you. Wise up or shut up Seattle, this is how the cold-weather dwellers do it. Embrace the marshmallow!

We knew it was only a matter of time before Cosby sweaters took the nation by storm -- or at least took parties thrown by white people by storm. So sayeth the fine scribes of Stuff White People Like: "White people needed to find a party that was completely without religious affiliations, but still connected enough to the idea of Christmas that they could serve eggnog and hot toddies. The answer: ugly sweater parties. These parties feature festive drinks, Christmas music by Sufjan Stevens, and most importantly, intentionally hideous sweaters. These ugly sweaters provide white people with an invisible shield that protects them from any criticism that might emerge if any Christianity accidentally slips into the evening."

Two new Seattle boutiques that originally started as websites are opening brick-and-mortar locations this week. The first, situated dangerously close to the Seattle Weekly offices, is called Totokaelo, which roughly translates to "reaching to the edge of the stars." It's owned by Jill Wenger, who is also the brains behind Fremont's Impulse boutique. You'll find high-end designers from Japan, Europe and the U.S. like Junya Watanabe, Comme des Garcons, Rick Owens and Yohji Yamamoto. Basically, it's stuff that's so nice, I feel weird about even touching it. Hopefully Totokaelo will be like her sister store whose pieces are expensive but not too trendy so you might be able to justify buying them by telling yourself that you'll get more that just one season's use out of them. The grand opening celebration is tomorrow at 913 Western Ave.

My cute umbrella

Speaking of justifications, I'm trying to rationalize spending $100+ on an umbrella from the new Ballard boutique, Bella Umbrella. It's owned by Jodell Egbert, who has managed to amass the largest source of vintage and vintage styled umbrellas in the world for sale or rent. I've been fascinated with umbrellas since I was a little girl, perhaps because I grew up in L.A. and never needed one (that didn't stop me from sporting a Chinese-style paper one for a little while. Yeah, I was that girl). I'm actually a little afraid to go in because I know my already bruised credit card will take yet another beating. My current rain shielder is cute, but only from the inside which is painted in white clouds. Bella Umbrella's are cute from the inside and outside and I'm tired of only impressing myself--I need the accolades. So if I do break down and buy the pagoda-style umbrella, please tell me how cute it is. I'll really need the validation.

Bella Umbrella is located at 1421 NW 70th St.

I adore fashion. I hate fashion writing. I especially hate magazines like Vogue and Harper's Bazaar that hail celebrities like the Olsen twins "fashion forward" with their weird head scarves and caked on makeup. See above photo. Seriously. Any woman in her right mind knows that dark lips AND dark eyes are a no-no. You pick one or the other.

The problem with these magazines (besides the fact that they're always wrong) are that they take fashion way too seriously. It's rare to find a writer who makes their living writing about fashion while being entirely aware what a trivial matter it really is.

That's why I'm totally loving Kate Hahn's Forgotten Fashion: An Illustrated Faux History of Outrageous Trends and Their Ultimate Demise (TOW Books, $12.99). The book, which contains illustrations by Project Runway's Andrae Gonzalo, provides a historical timeline of fashion trends--alongside bullshit context that mock the pretentiousness so many fashion books contain.

Below are two of my favorite bits:

1943: The fidelity cardigan. Hahn claims that women whose boyfriends were away at war began to wear drab, poorly fitted sweaters to hide their figures and thus, make it easier to remain faithful. If a woman strayed regardless, she would mail one of her cardigan buttons to her soldier sweetheart. These buttons were dubbed "heartbreak bullets" and loaded into the soldiers' guns to shoot enemies.

1998: Emotionally distressed jeans. Apparently, we have a study by a group of UPenn psychology grad students to thank for this fashion craze. Said psych majors instructed students sent to mental health counseling to take out their anxiety on denim instead of themselves for a week. Those students came back at the week's end reporting that they felt better about themselves. Their ripped creations were sold for $5,000 a pair and psychology department split the profits.

...If only there was a chapter on the evolution of Mary Kate's "boho chic" look. Regardless, it's a pretty entertaining read and your fashionista friends should get a kick out of it. Unless, you know, they're the Anna Wintour type.

The poof at rest, the poof in motion

In "Schlock 'n' Roll," Ward Sutton's brilliant comic that used to appear in The Rocket, there was once had a strip called "Things You're Not Allowed to Complain About." These things included not having enough space for all your CDs. One of the other things you're not allowed to complain about is surely not being able to find the right jeans.

But goddamn! I can't! Everything is loose fit, relaxed fit, don't fit. Are American men so afraid of their own asses that it's impossible to find proper fitting jeans? I'm not talking the sprayed-on anorexic hipster look, just a normal fit like God intended.

Levi's once made the world's most perfect jeans. They were called Skinners, and they had the perfect cut, the perfect wash, and were made from high-quality Japanese denim (Japan makes the best denim). After wearing them to shreds, I ordered another pair online. And they were ... wrong. In many subtle ways they were very wrong. I'll spare you the list of my fussy little complaints, but the worst was an unmistakable awkwardness in the crotch. There was this weird little poof, this extra fabric that would bubble and fold over when I walked.

So anyway, I'm perusing the Levi's site the other day without any real sense of hope (Balloon Fit, Tent Fit, Circus Clown Fit), and I made a horrifying discovery. ALL their jeans now have the crotch poof! They're doing it on purpose! What the fuck?? Did some focus group of random idiots convince them that this is somehow, I don't know, manly? Like we need the extra fabric to accommodate our enormous cocks? Since it's everywhere, this is obviously a decision that was made at the top. A company-wide edict: All lines, all cuts, all sizes of Levi's henceforth shall have a crotch poof.

Shame on you, Levi's. For a company whose slogan in the 1970s (the golden age of perfect jeans) was "The jeans that fit," you've fallen about as low as you can.

My friends and co-workers have been giving me lot of crap for spending Halloween weekend in Columbus, Ohio. "Why would you want to go there?" was the overall incredulous response. Having never been to the Midwest and still being unable to let go of my college partying days, flying here to reunite with my partner in crime from Wazzu and partying at OSU seemed like a grand idea.

What shocks me the most is how many gay people live in Columbus (as I'm sure the photos above indicate.) I've never seen a gayer place in my life. Seriously, there is a West Hollywood like gay party scene in Ohio and it blows my mind. (And destroyed my self esteem, given that I was virtually ignored every night.)

However, I am in love with the slew Abercrombie & Fitch-type model in Columbus (straight, thankfully). I'm seriously contemplating going to grad school here.

On a more serious note, the college campus has been really interesting to see giving the upcoming election. Over the weekend, though, my friends already received a slew of Facebook messages from their peers urging them to vote for McCain over Obama, due to their "suspicions" over him being Muslin. There were also several outspoken Obama supporters on campus, my favorite being the "Smurfs for Change". I don't want to betray the Cougs, but I seriously love the Buckeyes.

GO BUCKEYES!

*Forgive me, as this post is probably poorly written. I'm quite brain dead, having celebrated Halloween Wednesday-Sunday.

The first is The Warehouse Sale, a denim-only sample sale happening at the Seattle Center Saturday and Sunday. Now I can't lie to you, the reviews I've come across of previous Warehouse Sales in Seattle and some from other cities (it travels across the country) aren't exactly glowing. It appears there will be a ton of discounted men's and women's jeans to sift through but if the rumors are true, the designers they're hyping up (Seven, True Religion, Ed Hardy, Hudson) will be few and far between and from a couple seasons ago. But there are probably some great deals to be had if you're not a brand snob. RSVP here and it's free otherwise it's five bucks at the door. There will probably be lines so get there early and don't wait until Sunday because all the good ones will be long gone. Oh, the dressing rooms are communal, you've been warned.
Seattle Center, Exhibition Hall, 301 Mercer Street. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Sat.-Sun.

If the weather is anything like last week, the Seattle Center will be beautiful and worth the trip. Here's a pic I took from last weekend while I was on my way to the Thread Show. Hard to believe it's fall.

The other event is at Havana Social Club on Saturday night when Project Runway alum Sweet P and her husband Sage Vaughn unveil their new collaborative collection "Ghosts in the Garden." All of the pieces are hand sewn, hand painted, and designed exclusively for Pulp Lab. They've been creating a buzz for it since early October including a viewing at SAM Remix and they're finally having their official launch party with food, drinks, and music.

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I went to an early Halloween costume party and was extremely proud of the guests for all the creativity and effort put into the costumes. I even got to be a judge of the costume contest which was an honor and a ridiculous amount of fun. The guy that came as Michael Phelps won second place because, if you show up to a party in a Speedo, you automatically win.

This guy won first. He came dressed as Master Blaster from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. He even incorporated his child but I couldn't get a picture before he started crying.

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Glitzy, celebrity-saturated fashion shows only seems to happen in New York and L.A. but Macy's is bringing one to Seattle! Well, sort of. Tonight at Pacific Place Theaters and 27 other cities around the country, Macy's Passport: Fashion Cinema will be showing a theatrical production of their fancy L.A. fashion show. It will feature designer collections like INC, Ben Sherman, Calvin Klein, and Levi's and performances from Pussycat Dolls, Fall Out Boy and Ne-Yo. To make it feel more like an event and not just a movie, the price of admission gets you an in-theater champagne reception before the show plus a $10 gift card to the snack stand. Proceeds benefit the Lifelong Aids Alliance.
Pacific Place Theaters
Reception starts at 7 p.m., the movie starts at 8 p.m. $25.
Tickets will be available for purchase at the theater but only cash or check will be accepted.