Really, the only major plot-hole was expecting you to believe the characters actually thought that this woman was a human.

Not to worry! Several friends called to say they have "lives" on Friday night--whatever that means. So they recorded the Battlestar Galactica 4.5 premier. If you are one of those people, do not click below the jump. Everyone else, the real geeks, yeah, I'm talking to you, the person trolling the internet looking for BSG discussions, please continue: More >>

The final episodes of Battlestar Galactica start airing tonight at 10! Who is the final cylon? Will the formerly warring nations survive on Earth without killing each other? What about all these half-cylon kids running around? And will Leigh Adama finally cut that mangy hair?

In other sci-fi news, the beloved Japanese cartoon Cowboy Bebop (the inspiration for Joss Whedon's Firefly) is slated for a live-action production. The Hollywood Reporter says Keanu Reeves is set to star as Spike Spiegel. Nerd-dom is on fire with rage--there are so many ways in which it's a terrible choice, not the least of which is Spike's ability to laugh at himself--a skill Keanu conspicuously lacks. Sorry, nerds, we might just want to watch the original series in all its animated glory--you know, again.

File this one under the category of creepy press releases from skeezy publicists. Last Friday, the same day the event was being promoted, we were offered a chance to come report on (leer at?) the following:

"Gold Diggers" produced by David DeLay of Grandpa's R.V. Productions and Josh Hodgins of Jh Productions both of Washington State, will be filming for DeLay's reality show at Centerfolds this Friday. The reality show is an insider's look into the bizarre and sometimes difficult world of Exotic Dancers; much like the shows "Deadliest Catch" and "Dirty Jobs", as young women look to pay their bills, put themselves through school, all with hopes of one day landing a millionaire.

Where is Centerfolds? Up in Crown Hill, I think, and I am certainly not driving there to watch meth-addicted trailer-trash girls audition for yet another permutation of Girls Gone Wild. Moreover, as we found from the following Craigslist ad, said show will be taking gullible women out of state:

"I am searching for beautiful girls to be on a stripper reality TV show. The girl will have to be willing to do strip tease on camera. The show is similar to the Real Life just with strippers! You do not have to have any dancing experience but we do prefer experience. The girls will have to move to Tampa for a few months and live under the camera during designated hours. All expenses will be covered and girls will be paid well. If you are interested please send me your picture and contact number. Auditions will be 1/9/09 which is tomorrow at 12 noon. Please send email as soon as possible so I can set up your audition."

Classy! But you know what reality TV show I would like to watch? David DeLay and Josh Hodgins being chased down the street and beaten with clubs by a bunch of angry Seattle women. We could call it Pimp Beaters.

Best friends yelling at each other--television genius!

Last night I had a vision: John Coveny, Hunt Baldwin and Matthew Weiner taking hits off a two-foot bong in a cramped apartment in Los Angeles.

The three men start riffing on "this totally awesome idea I have for a TV show." It should be about advertising, they decide. Advertising is crazy. Like who came up with the name Nutter Butters? (Oh man, those sound sooooo good right now.) And the lead characters will be morally questionable men who love their families but can't seem to help fucking them up. There should be a woman in there, maybe she'll be a copywriter--surprisingly good at her work. And ladder-climbers, that's essential. Oh, and a bunch of creative guys that provide all the comic relief. Brilliant! Now about those Nutter Butters.

The next morning, after the smoke cleared, Weiner cleaned the cookie crumbs off his khakis and started doing serious research into the Manhattan agencies that defined America's 1950s sense of self--at once glamorous, frighteningly misogynist, blatantly racist, and more than a few lingering wounds from the World Wars, all dressed in hoop skirts and picket fences. The man at the center of Weiner's storm would be Don Draper, a family guy who loves his wife, kids and mistresses equally. Draper has a dark past, about which we know only bits and pieces. The people around him are working just as hard to reinvent their identities as they are reimaginging companies' branding. Thus was born Mad Men, a show that earns a place among The Wire, Sopranos and West Wing--television far better than most of us deserve.

Coveny and Baldwin, on the other hand, spend the next several days continuing to hit the ganja.
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Human? Robot? Like it isn't obvious.

By the end of Season 3, Battlestar Galactica fans (who refer to the show as BSG, use "frak" as an obscenity, and conclude sentences with "so say we all", what's up, nerds!) had a lot to contend with. If you don't watch the show (and why the frak don't you?) here's where we're at.

Eons ago, us humans invented robots--the cylons--to help us run things. Then, shocking plot twist, the artificially intelligent droids asked themselves why they should take orders, and rebelled. After an ugly war (and a hokey 70s sci-fi serial) the cylons took off, spending the next several decades avoiding us lowly humans. But then, just as it seemed the war could safely be called over, the cylons returned and nuked all the inhabited planets.  The remaining 50,000 or so humans on space ships at the time are now floating around trying to find a mythic planet called Earth to settle on, dodge the cylons, and not kill each other.

For the most part its pretty formulaic sci-fi drama--super sexy people in silver outfits doing battle in space. (A friend likes to point out that the producers somehow dug up the only Playboy Centerfold that can actually act. See above.) And the people who aren't lovely to look at are uber-inspiring, specifically Admiral Adama (played by Edward James Olmos of Stand and Deliver fame) who is relentless with his crew but would happily lay down his life for any of them.

But it's much more than just a drama some indeterminate time in the future, it's a space opera, there's even a little singing. The whole series could easily serve as the subject of a freshman ethics philosophy class. The characters are constantly faced with moral quandaries--when to leave someone behind, who to trust, who to kill--and the characters don't always make the choice your heartstrings tell you they should.

If you haven't started the series yet (and why the frak haven't you?) stop reading now. For everyone else, here's a bit of what to expect from the first half of Season 4:
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Why the hell is Seattle Weekly recommending a Lifetime movie?

Well for one thing haters, it stars Heather Locklear who is so gorgeous and adorable she almost made me forget about her recent legal troubles. Almost. Alright so you were never the biggest T.J. Hooker fan, well what if I told you the movie is based on the book, Flirting with Forty, written by Seattle author Jane Porter? It's a semi-autobiographical story about a recently divorced, newly 40-year-old Seattle mom who falls for a hot young surfer dude while vacationing alone in Hawaii. That is followed by a lot of soul searching, lifestyle questioning, disapproving friends, and dealing with a jerk of an ex-husband.

If you've never read the book, it will be a fluffy little movie to watch while sitting at home in your pajamas on a Saturday night (no judgment!). To sweeten the deal, her Hawaiian boy toy, played by Robert Buckley (Lipstick Jungle) is half-naked a lot of the time.

If you have read the book, let me prepare you a little bit. We all expect some changes to be made in the book-to-T.V. movie conversion but just so you aren't too surprised, here are a few things I wish someone would have told me before I watched it:

1. The movie is not set in Seattle. I know, huge let down. They ended up setting it in Colorado although it was actually filmed in Canada (cheaper). All that rain she talks about in the book has been replaced with snow. I got over it, you will too.

2. The plot has been filled in quite a bit but let's face it that was necessary. The book is mostly the narrator going on and on about her feelings, which you'd think would be perfect for Lifetime but in the end, women really want to see more sexy surfer and hear less whining (at least this girl does).

3. They make him even younger in the movie. Instead of 30, he's 27 I guess to add to the drama. Fine, Lifetime, I'll overlook that as well.

4. They changed the half-naked surfer's name from Kai to Kyle. WTF? Is Kai too ethnic sounding for Middle America? Why would you change a lead character's name? I see no reasonable explanation and I will not forgive Lifetime for this, ever.

 This really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The last movie I watched on Lifetime was 1998's Fifteen and Pregnant starring Kirsten Dunst and they've come a long way since then. Ok not a long way but they've come along. My only gripe is it didn't make me cry and isn't that the whole point of a Lifetime movie?

I say, set your TiVos and turn it on when you want something light and easy to watch while you're painting your nails.

Airs Saturday, December 6, at 9 p.m. on Lifetime Network (channel 51 on Comcast).

 

We find Stephen Colbert the night of his Christmas Special taping putting the final touches on his own set of Christmas carols in a woodsy cabin, presumably somewhere in upstate New York. "Boy... what rhymes with boy." Stephen wants all new songs for his special because every time someone plays White Christmas, Bing Crosby's family gets a royalty check. A call from Elvis Costello reminds him to rush back to the city to start taping.

But oh no! Just outside Stephen's Cabin is a big, hungry bear! AAAAAAAAA! Stephen is stuck with no way to get back, but a troupe of helpful friends (and the poor, put-upon Jon Stewart--won't you try a latka?) come by ready to sing about blowing up everyone who perpetuates this whole "Happy Holidays" crap (Toby Keith), giving baby Jesus weed (Willie Nelson), the importance of nutmeg (John Legend--who can take your breath away, even dressed up as a park ranger. Or maybe especially dressed as a park ranger.) and angels getting their balls (Feist).

A parody of Christmas specials past only works with an unabashed commitment to the lame story, obnoxious holiday cheer, and convincing Costello to dress up as a clown and climb into a giant Jack-in-the-Box. So, of course, only the oversized caricature created by Colbert can pull it off.

I've always found something refreshing in Colbert's send-up of the religious right. The man's a devout Sunday school teacher. And he still has no problem singing about being high with Willie Nelson. The James Dobsons and Rick Warrens of the world can keep their massively commercialized, zealous fight for nativity scenes at government buildings. I'm happy to spend my holiday season with goats in mouse ears, John Legend (did I mention, oh so hot?) and the man who brings it all together, Stephen Colbert.

Swoon

A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All airs Sunday at 10 p.m. on Comedy Central.

I recently became obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. (Frackin' awesome, right?) But I almost stopped 30 seconds into the premier miniseries when Col. Saul Tigh walked into the frame. "Oh my God!" my nerdy friends and I gasped. (See above.)

Rumor has it that Miss Wasilla's about to roll into the Apple, and when it's in the NYT (or at least one of its blogs), it rises to the level of pretty credible rumor. But the thing I find most interesting about this tidbit is that Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are working on a one-man play based on his Dubya impersonation.