​So we've already talked about the crazy end of the activist spectrum today. Now, I figure equal time ought to be given to the somewhat more reasonable.

World Water Week is right around the corner (I know you've already got it marked on your calendars, tight?), and as they have done since 2007, UNICEF is planning on celebrating by asking you for money.

Oh, but wait... Before you tune out, let me explain. UNICEF's Tap Project was started in New York City in 2007 as a way to collect money for a program that would bring clean drinking water to children around the world. In its first year, there were just 300 restaurants participating--collecting a one-dollar donation from customers drinking tap water that, normally, would be given away for free. This time around? There are 4000 volunteers and almost a thousand restaurants participating nationwide.

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​"So how long is it now? Seven days?"

"Yeah. No. Uh...from today? Eight days. 17th--that'll be friends and family. Soft open on the 19th. For the public."

"So eight days."

"Eight days."

"But really ten days."

"Not for us."

This was me and Kevin Davis talking. This was Tuesday night, March 9--eight days out from the opening of his new restaurant, Blueacre Seafood, at 1700 7th Avenue. He'd called late because he'd just gotten out of the kitchen at his original restaurant, the Steelhead Diner. He'd been there, working, since 7am...

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​I don't want to give the impression that I think unprovoked assault is acceptable.

I don't want you people to think that I'm in favor of hooded hooligans attacking writers in public.

I don't want anyone to to construe my barely suppressed giggling here as a tacit endorsement of the tactics of San Francisco animal rights radicals.

But seriously? What's funnier than seeing someone get hit in the face with a pie?

Last Saturday, while speaking at an anarchist event in San Francisco, author, activist and ex-vegan Lierre Keith was hit with three chile-pepper-laced pies while discussing her 2009 book, "The Vegetarian Myth." She was speaking at the 15th annual Bay Area Anarchist Book Fair, talking about her 20 years as a vegan and how she'd recently changed her opinion on the subject and written a book about how industrial agriculture is now destroying the world. According to reports, she'd gotten about halfway through her talk.

And then came the pies...

Because this is 2010, of course there's a Youtube video of the attack. Even better? It's set to the running-around music from the old Benny Hill show. Check it out after the jump.

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Kasu marinated King salmon collars

​Blueacre, the new offering from Kevin and Terresa Davis, and the muse behind Jason Sheehan's fictional restaurant wish list, officially opens at 4 p.m. today. I got a chance to try out the menu last night as part of a "friends and family" dinner. Yes, it was awesome to eat a ton of free food (only paying for gratuity and alcohol), but more than anything, it was a chance for owner and executive chef Kevin Davis and his crew to practice before their grand opening.

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Terrible food makes the ghost of James Beard cry. And then he haunts you, with chains, and wailing, and other ghostly shit.

​When we got to Beam's at 6 p.m. on a Sunday, it was booked: packed to the rafters with such a geriatric crew that Beam's small dining room looked like a package of Q-Tips. An old dude, presumably the owner of Beam's, ambled up to tell us to come back at 8. He was a roly-poly bear of a man with a shaved head and sloping shoulders. He could've been James Beard's doppelganger. Surely this was a good omen.

Well, it wasn't a good omen because Beam's sucks. Grilled mushrooms ($6) were tasty enough: a mélange of a white buttons, criminis, and oyster 'shrooms were sautéed in a buttery sauce. The mushrooms were tender and very clean, without a trace of grit to sully the proceedings. Totally OLDE SKEWL. This dish sported an interesting garnish: thin membranes of potato were stuck together with a sage leaf inside, then deep fried until the potatoes became translucent. This edible "peacock feather" was shatteringly crisp and not overpoweringly sage-y.

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The Dinner: Stilton burger, drinks, and Dungeness crab cakes at 10 Mercer (10 Mercer St.).

The Movie: The Bounty Hunter, at Pacific Place (600 Pine St.).

The Screenplate: Why Gerard Butler is a movie star, and why Jennifer Aniston isn't a movie star, are questions that will only confound you after viewing this ill-conceived, ineptly executed screwball romance. The Scottish Butler became famous after the 2007 300, in which he hacked up hundreds of Persian warriors while flaunting his Spartan abs. And Aniston, as we all know, was America's sweetheart during the TV reign of Friends (1994-2004), who's never quite connected with moviegoers. Both are capable and likeable in their separate capacities: decapitating Persians and slapping down David Schwimmer, respectively. So why, why, push them together and force them out of their comfort zones?

The answer applies equally to bad movies and quality dining...

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Behold, the Samurai Armour Bowl.

​Click here to read the introduction to the new weekly Voracious column: Serving Sake to a Serb.

The morning after St. Patrick's Day, my boyfriend Slavko woke up hungover and hungry as hell. I suggested a big bowl of ramen as a remedy.

"Top Ramen?"

"No. Just... ramen. Real ramen."

The blank expression on his face indicated that his ramen experience was limited to the pre-packaged noodles made with hot water. This was unacceptable.

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​Beer lovers, have we got good news for you this Friday.

First off, Belgian bar Brouwer's Cafe in Fremont hosts the Hard Liver Barleywine Fest tomorrow from 11 a.m. to well, whenever they run out of barley wine. You can sample three, six, and twelve ounce pours from an impressive selection, all costing $2-$6. It's like St. Patrick's Day all over again!

Secondly, West Seattle Blog reports that a specialty beer shop is coming to 42nd Avenue SW this summer. The Beer Junction will feature more than 1,000 beers from around the world, focusing especially on those brewed in the Northwest. It hopes to open for business by the Fourth of July. Get ready to fill those kegs.

Sustainable Ballard screens Good Food, a film that explores all the moral quandaries that one's eating habits can raise: Where to shop, what meat to eat, and the pros and cons of going organic. Originally screened at SIFF and shown on PBS, this documentary features local experts talking about how to be a good eater, and contains interviews with farmers, chefs, and restauranteurs from Organic Valley cheese, Bluebird Grain Farms, Skagit River Ranch, Seattle's Chefs Collaborative, Helsing Junction, and Burgerville. Filmmakers Mark Dworkin and Melissa Young will be on hand for a post-film discussion.

Saturday, March 21, 7-9 p.m.
Sunset Hill Community Clubhouse, 3003 N.W. 66th St., 384-0053, jenny@sustainableballard.org.
$5 suggested donation.

I am going to see those eyes in my nightmares...

​No sooner had I gotten my breaking news posted about the Top Chef roadshow coming to Seattle, than apparent Top Chef fanatic Zibby popped up to remind me about one of the great, all-time Top Chef crazies: Marcel Vigneron (pictured right there in all his creepy, coiffed glory).

Zibby wrote:

All they really need, if we're really talking crazy here, is Marcel and his hair.

Simple, direct, to the point. And, of course, completely correct. I would totally go and kill an afternoon waiting to get inside the Top Chef Mobil Command Center if Bravo could promise me that Marcel (and Marcel alone) would be the one cooking for me--making cheese noodles, compressed fish, and foams out of teddy bear fluff. Marcel (the first of the chef-testants to bring molecular gastronomy to the bewildered masses way back in season 2) was actually the reason I got into watching Top Chef in the first place. I saw him on TV for about thirty seconds while at my brother-in-law's house back in Philadelphia, was curious enough to ask Steve what he was watching, and then ended up sitting through four or five old episodes off his Tivo, watched back to back to back.

Sadly, though, I don't think Marcel is going to be tagging along on this year's Top Chef tour, either. Much as it might disappoint Zibby (and me, now that I think about it), Eater LA reported yesterday that Marcel has some other plans in the offing.

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