The Surly Gourmand: Tasty Chinese & Sexy Leprechauns on 12th Avenue

CHHHHUUUUNNNNGGGGEEEE'''''''''''SSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

Chungee's is pretty tasty. When describing Chinese food, of course, "tasty" is a relative term: sometimes it's awesome, other times it's just a simple way to take the edge off of a hangover. Chungee's falls somewhere in the middle of that continuum: good enough for me to risk molesting a leprechaun to eat there again, but not good enough for me to take the time to find the aforementioned leprechaun first. But if there was some sort of leprechaun delivery service which catered to decadent old-money types who want to fulfill their twisted desires by nailing leprechauns, or by pitting them in cage matches against elves or unicorns, then by all means I would have a leprechaun delivered to my house.

Enough about those sexy, sexy leprechauns. How was the food?

The ginger pancake ($4.95) has about as much ginger in it as the kind of "ginger ale" you get at the movies. So this is basically a scallion pancake. It's good enough, but what really sets the pancake apart is the creamy curry sauce that comes with it for dipping. The curry sauce is an intensely flavored unguent, and I would lick it off your mom's naked body, it's so good.

The pork chow mein ($8.95) would probably have been pretty good if it had any pork in it. That's because they gave us chicken instead of what we actually ordered. But fuck it: how much does it REALLY matter in chow mein? The noodles were thick and chewy, but obviously machine- made; thick slices of zucchini, sautéed onion, and celery peeked about from the tangled nest of pasta, and everything was salty and soy-saucy with a hint of smoke on the finish. Again, this was a perfectly competent example of a classic dish.

Finally, the coup de grace: General Tso's Chicken. Everyone knows how much I fucking love General Tso's Chicken. If you're expecting me to weep with relief that Chungee's has finally filled the void in my heart where an awesome plate of General Tso's Chicken once stood, dream the fuck on--because it was good, but not THAT good.

For $9.95 you got a pretty big portion of deep-fried thigh meat, coated in a batter that was as doughy as your mom's ass, and glossed in the classic spicy and tangy bronze syrup. The batter was too foamy and soft for my taste; like an edible version of that yellow window insulation that shoots out of a can and instantly expands. The sauce was probably the best part: not cloyingly sweet, not too brassy, with a few chilis here and there to liven things up.

The take-home message is that Chungee's is good enough. The bar is well- stocked with premium liquor, and the food is solid if uninspired. The best part is bellowing "CHHHHUUUNNNGGEEE'''''''''SSSS!!!!" at the top of your lungs. And remember: the extra apostrophes are for extra flavor.

Rating: 6.5 apostrophes out of 10

Chungee's is located at 1830 12th Ave in Seattle

206-323-1673