Just Order Your Coffee, Pay, Shut Up, and Leave

Showing off your coffee knowledge will fail to impress her.

His pseudonym is Egon, he works at Starbucks, and if you were to sum up his mantra, this headline would be it. Unfortunately, most people are totally unaware that this is how Starbucks' baristas really feel.

But Egon is pissed--so pissed he decided to share some mince-free advice with our sister paper in Phoenix. Some of the choicer nuggets?

• You have no fucking excuses to call that medium coffee a "grande bold."
• I don't want to hear about the "hints of cinnamon" you can detect in the Ethiopan blend.
• Yes, I know that a vanilla bean frap with a little bit of Strawberry cream and a half pump of mocha tastes like a Neopolitan. I fucking work here. Your discovery is by no means anything new.

Wow. Egon's screed almost makes me want to visit a Starbucks now. Almost.