Being Large Could Be Divine

I've officially been performing comedy for three years. And in that time, I've just managed not to fully clog my arteries by eating veggies such as the celery that comes with buffalo wings. Instead, I've eaten Juicy Lucy's, nacho platters, chimichangas and home cookin' from the heart; the heart being that of Orson Welles in his much later years.
 

The Comedy Underground's cure for osteoporosis, quesadillas.

This became even more clear to me this week, when a gal took one of my business cards and said, "You look like a tranny in this photo."  Perhaps I'm already on my way in the opposite direction. I need to make a U-Turn quickly, and it's this weekly column that acts as my giant backpedal.