One of Those Rare Moments in Life When Having Slept With Bobby Flay Might HELP Your Career

Look at me! I'm an Iron Chef!

It's not often that something I read in the food world makes me snort lemon chicken out my nose. Mostly I'm researching odd spices, the history of salt, the youthful culinary indiscretions of Michael Mina or, you know, just pretending to work while I'm actually looking at porn. Other than the porn, it's all pretty dry.

But the folks who most often make me giggle openly in public? The writers over at Foodnetworkhumor.com. There was the Rachael Ray Emotion Chart, Ina Garten's Hamptons Haiku Journal, the unnecessarily censored shots of Food Network stars (which was just brilliant, but you'll have to click through the jump for an example).

Snap courtesy Food Network, skillfull censoring courtesy foodnetworkhumor.com

Fucking genius. And hot, too.

But the one that got me today? Their totally made-up Iron Chef America celebrity judge's application.

"Remember the over-hyped White House episode of Iron Chef America?" FNH wrote today. "Who did the producers choose to critique an epic superbattle of such culinary importance? Why, actress JANE SEYMOUR and swimmer NATALIE COUGHLIN, of course! It's okay, though. Jane Seymour revealed she has an "insane" organic garden, and Natalie Coughlin was introduced as an "accomplished" home cook. So yeah, it's cool. They're totally qualified.

We have no idea what the Iron Chef America celebrity judge application actually looks like, but here's our best guess..."

My favorite questions were the ones about having sex with Bobby Flay (favorite whipping boy of the FNH staff) and "Could You Remain Composed In A Room With Jeffrey Steingarten?" Speaking as one who has had to do exactly that thing, trust me. It ain't as easy as it sounds.

I mean remaining composed around Jeffrey Steingarten, of course.

If you haven't already seen it, you totally owe it to yourself to click through that link and take a look. Just make sure you don't have anything in your mouth at the time that you don't want forcibly passing through your nasal cavity.