When the Magical Becomes Real: Unicorn Meat For Sale

Photo courtesy Thinkgeek.com

Magic in Every Bite!

Six months or so ago, the geniuses over at Thinkgeek (purveyors of the world's first huggable bacon) shocked the world by offering Real (fake) Unicorn Meat for sale. The only complication? They weren't really selling unicorn meat, or even a reasonable facsimile of. The entire thing was just a big April Fool's Day joke.

But then the National Pork Board (which is a very real entity, with no discernible sense of humor) decided to get all cease-and-desist on Thinkgeek's ass by claiming that the website's ad copy, "Unicorn--the new white meat," violated the trademark that that the NPB had on the phrase "The Other White Meat." There was a big fight about it and, eventually, Thinkgeek had to remove the phrase from its website.

The whole thing was very silly and everyone got a good laugh out of it (mostly at the National Pork Board's expense). Pretty soon, we had all forgotten about canned unicorn meat.

Until Thinkgeek brought it back--this time as a real product.

"Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don't know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn's coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn."

This is the pitch by Thinkgeek for the new, now totally real produt. $11.99 buys you one can of delicious unicorn, all full of magic and sparkles.

Oh, but there's a catch...

Photo courtesy Thinkgeek.com

"Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff," sez Thinkgeek, "we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or if you're lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He'll know what to do."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's right. It's a can of butchered, stuffed unicorn--which just kind of makes me want it all the more.