The One Where Miley Cyrus Asks if She Can Smoke Salvia Cereal

It's hot and it's cold.

It takes three things to wake me up in the morning: coffee, food and online gossip rags. Today, I got an especially nice treat from TMZ while enjoying a raw cereal made from chia (aka salvia hispanica): video of Miley Cyrus caught smoking a bong. Her handlers say it wasn't pot she was smoking, but rather salvia, a legal hallucinogen that's apparently pretty easy to get. Plus, we all know Mickey Mouse grows that shit in his backyard for the Disney Channel cast (next to the big closet where Zac Efron and Joe Jonas live).

When I saw the word salvia, I Googled it, wondering if my morning raw cereal would have the same effect on me as it did Miley -- turning me into a god damn giggling idiot with the most annoying laugh on the planet. Nope. Salvia hispanica, which makes up the majority of Chia Goodness cereal is the same stuff they make Chia Pets out of. But get this, not only can you give your favorite president an illustrious head of hair using chia, you can also eat it. But do you want to? Let's check some facts:

Chia: Breakfast of ch-ch-ch champions.

Chia seeds are one of the most healthy seeds you can possibly eat. This lactose-free superfood has more calcium than milk and more Omega 3 than salmon. It's also one-stop shopping for fiber and trace minerals. A $7 bag of seeds probably isn't what you think of when you hear the word 'breakfast,' but this raw cereal deserves your attention. All you have to do to transform this seed and fruit concoction into a delightful cereal is add liquid to it -- hot or cold, milk or water (almond milk is great with this). Then, just let it sit for a couple of minutes and stir. As the cereal soaks up the liquid, it expands and gets mushy, much like oatmeal. The seeds will remain a little crunchy which adds a pleasant texture to the mix.

This is a great traveling food, because all you really need is water. You can also sprinkle Chia Goodness on your yogurt, oatmeal or granola. It's very versatile. I would not, however, eat is straight from the bag. Those little chia seeds will get everywhere.

In addition to chia, this raw mixture (which I buy at the Interbay Whole Foods) is full of dried apples, raisins and almonds -- all incredibly fresh tasting, unlike most instant oatmeal. Other ingredients include buckwheat, hulled hemp seeds (hello, fiber!), organic cane sugar, cinnamon and Celtic Sea Salt. One serving is only 130 calories and the entire bag provides about 10 breakfasts -- less if you're trying to satisfy a case of the munchies.