The Surly Gourmand's Jell-O Shot Revolution

Arthur from the Tug, proudly showing off his jiggly concoctions.

Revolutions are often controversial, and this week's cover story on Jell-O shots' surprising insurgence, written by the inimitable Surly Gourmand, is no different. While we'll conceded it ain't Watergate, the exhaustively researched story portrays the mutant sorority-girl sensation as a singular force that's capable of tearing down demographic barriers during a time of great national unease.

Writes Surly: "Once considered the developmentally disabled cousin in the family of cocktails, the Jell-O shot has finally come of age here in Seattle. Jell-O shots have historically been found in dive bars and sorority-girl hangouts. These two scenes might seem diametric opposites, but they are in fact both so extreme that they connect in back, the way retrograde right-wing fascist and ultra-leftist political theories seem to bizarrely coincide. How did Jell-O bring them together? Elementary, really: One customer base wanted a cheap buzz, the other was looking for something that didn't taste like booze. The fact is, Jell-O shots appeal to a variety of drinkers, cutting a wide swath across various demographics. And they're becoming more popular all the time."

There's also a hilarious anecdote about a puke-stained Microsoft party, as well as the kicker: "Jell-O shots are so good, it's now a federal law that anyone who openly disparages them can be punched in the face with extreme prejudice. Or if that isn't federal law, it should be. Tom Lehrer risked life and limb to invent Jell-O shots so that all of us living today could enjoy them. Thank you, Tom Lehrer. Thank you for giving us the freedom to mix Jell-O with alcohol. Without our brave men and women in the armed forces, we Americans would be without Jell-O shots. And that's just wrong. Jell-O shots are clearly the wave of the future--a sloppy, sticky, quivering, alcoholic tsunami coming to obliterate all opposition. Jell-O shots appeal to all strata of society. They were invented in America. They're practically a national pastime. And only Communists and other dastardly subversives would refuse an American-made product."

See? To undermine Jell-O shots' cultural significance is to deny the significance of culture itself.