Greatest Hits and What You Missed: Green Beer, Boxed Wine, Raisin Bran, ET, and a Beer for (Almost) Every Neighborhood

"OK, honestly you can drink whatever the hell you want, but if you are going to drink green beer this upcoming St. Patrick's Day, you're kind of a douchebag. Green beer is not only offensive to the Irish, it's offensive to beer. It's like wearing horned "Viking" helmets, or adding ice to your white wine (Note: Actual Viking helmets did not have horns. Horns were a drinking vessel). It can be done, but it's just not right. And the worst part is that most of the time the beer dyed green is pale, thin, flavorless beer to begin with."

From "Only Douchebags Drink Green Beer." Just so you know...

"The most famous of the raisin-and-bran combinations, though, was the one marketed by Kellogg's. It was invented at the same time as all the others, but Harvey Kellogg originally insisted on calling his version either Dr. Kellogg's Digestive Regularity Flakes or Harvey's Colo-Rooter. He was talked down by his staff, but was reputed to have flown into a rage, saying, "By my magnificent mustache, if the corpulent want-wits of this benighted republic cannot handle the truth over breakfast, then call my cereal what it is: Raisins and Bran. Now someone bring me my laudanum bottle and an enema, for it is noon and I have not yet crapped but half my body's weight."

Thus was Kellogg's Raisin Bran born."

From this week's Cereal Philanderer, talking about the shocking truth behind Kellogg's Raisin Bran