Ask the Bartender: When I Give, What Gets Got?

When you go to a charity event, how much of the money actually goes to a charity? I read the fine print at a recent event that said "A portion of tonight's proceeds will go to.."

We had a saying in catering, "You have to spend a lot of money to get rich people to give some of theirs." Now, that's not fair to all rich people, but who cares? They're rich. The fact of fundraising—from bake sale to black tie gala—is that creating an event and giving an experience gets people to give.

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Ask the Bartender: Who Gets What in Holiday TIpping?

I stress out this time of year because I don't know who to tip. I know I tip my mailman, but how much? We're on a very tight budget, and I want to do what's right. What is the proper etiquette?

I really like the Quentin Crisp approach to manners. The legendary British ex-pat and bon vivant decried that manners were our way of coming together, being social and open. He saw etiquette as a thing of exclusivity. The difference as I see it: The rules of etiquette make someone uncomfortable for not knowing which fork to use. The concept of manners means making sure someone has a goddamn fork.

In that spirit, let's agree that this has been an incredibly difficult year for everyone. I won't waste time bringing up how they tip on the East Coast or what's the proper amount to tip the mail worker or doorman. The whole point to this holiday tipping practice is to acknowledge those who enhance your life throughout the year. And tip the mailman because you just do.

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Ask the Bartender: Restaurants Adding, Not Adding Gratuity?

There's a certain restaurant we frequent after nights out on the town. Sometimes when we've dined in a large group, we see a gratuity pre-added to the check but not always. Why would this be?

Adding gratuity to large parties is a very common practice among restaurants. It should be plainly posted. Once you know to look, you will see at the bottom of most menus something along the lines of "An 18% gratuity will be added to parties 6 or more." The reasons behind this practice are many, not the least of which is the American prevalence of poor math skills.

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Ask the Bartender: Bartender Break Up Etiquette

I have a coworker who somehow was able to start dating one of the female bartenders at the place he frequents. He then broke up with her through email because he carried a flame for another woman. The thing is that he still keeps going there. Everyone at work sees this as a manner of poor taste, but he keeps suggesting that there's not a problem as no one has told him he's not allowed to come back. Any recommendations on the subject?

There's a saying: Don't shit where you eat. Mostly this applies to office romances, but I'd throw in any place you frequent on a habitual basis. Your coffee shop, favorite bar, gym: mine these for dates with caution, especially when it's the staff. That being said, adults will be adults. And it takes two to date. She's the one who said yes. It kinda follows that someone who would break up over email would also be clueless enough to keep hanging out at her bar. Not knowing whether they went out on a few dates or dated for a longer period of time, common sense says that it's her work place and he shouldn't go there if it makes her uncomfortable.

Did it end amicably, outside of the fact that it happened over email (lame)? Then I don't really see a problem, as long as he's polite, but that doesn't mean it isn't an awkward situation. Did it end poorly? If so, your coworker is more than clueless, and he should be experiencing some embarrassment, enough to not want to show his face right now. Just because no one's 86ed him from the bar, which would be ridiculous, doesn't mean that they don't all probably talk about him. His name is probably mud if he really botched the break up. It should be fairly obvious by the way the staff treats him. So yes it's poor taste, but it's his problem and reflects on his character. Just don't sit so close to him at the bar that it rubs off on you.

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Ask the Bartender: Bloody Mary on the Fly?

Well, the answer was "no," but you can't leave a thirsty man and his bottle of Cazadores hanging. So we went hunting through the spice drawer and the pantry, and bingo. We had the makings of something much, much better.

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Ask the Bartender: How Much Is Legally Too Much?

For this one, I'm just going to throw numbers at you to cement some of the vague notions everyone may have about BAC (blood alcohol content), in the hopes that people understand you are rarely "just fine" if a bartender deems you not. Bartenders do the loose math in their heads when they serve you.

If you're a 135-pound woman, you reach the legal limit of 0.08 percent BAC somewhere at or after your second drink. If you're a 185-pound man, it's around three drinks. That's a rough estimate that's further determined by a person's percent body fat. A drink is considered as follows:

5 ounces of wine (12% abv)
12 ounces of beer (5% abv)
1.5 ounces of spirit (80 proof)

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Ask the Bartender: Are Last-Minute Invitations Really Dates?

I try to stay away from dating and pickup advice, don't want to step on Dategirl's super insightful toes, but this topic is a personal pet peeve of mine. Seattle men (and women, let's face it...) can be a frustratingly noncommittal bunch. On the other hand, grownups lead busy lives. So, let me drop the definitive rule to the impromptu ask-out for friends, boy-, girl-, or otherwise: Anything less than 48 hours does not an invitation make.

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Ask the Bartender: Free Press Parties, Suspicious?

Press events, more often than not, spitball the food and drink media in the city to get us to write about a certain product, restaurant, or event. Press events can be weird when everyone is invited because we all get the same experience at the same time. We all show up, cocktails are served, a slick press packet awaits, the owner/chef/bartender shares a story, and we all sit down to (or attack) the same food. There's no angle when you all get fed the same story, but it's fair to invite everyone. That's why some writers go coocoo for cocoa puffs to break a restaurant opening or some other such banal, bourgeois scoop like it's a crack in the Green River case. The trick is to figure out what little nugget of the evening you can latch on to that might not get overplayed. These events, however, are far easier to sanction as on the up-and-up as opposed to inviting specific writers to dine for free — a patented no-no.

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Ask the Bartender: Do Agave or Honey Syrups Make a Difference?

Have you ever been at some hippie café and had to put honey in your drip coffee instead of sugar? It tastes different. Honey is sweeter than sugar and carries its own flavor, whereas sugar just tastes sweet. You either like it or you don't. Agave nectar is sweeter still than honey but not as gloopy, so it's easier to dissolve, and it also can add its own flavor to drinks. Bartenders are proving it's not just for Whole Foods shoppers anymore. Agave nectar comes from any member of the agave family (which includes the blue agave used to make tequila). The plant is a large succulent that looks similar to an aloe plant, with long, pointy leaves.

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Ask the Bartender: Tender or Mixologist, What's in a Name?

I'm sorry, but there is no difference to those terms. And yet, like the phrase "customer service representative," the word "mixologist" comes off like a little patch for the ego, methinks, and it annoys the hell out of me.

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Ask the Bartender: Are Coffee Drinks Cool?

I watched a bartender make two Coffee Nudges for an older couple. He lit the sugar on the rim of the glass on fire and everything. They looked amazing, but I couldn't bring myself to order one. Are coffee drinks cheesy? Are there coffee drinks that are OK to order, like an Irish coffee?

Coffee drinks are all right with me. Coffee is good. Booze is good. And two rights can't make a wrong, John. Besides, what the hell do you think bartenders drink half the time? The Irish coffee is the most butch of the coffee drinks, certainly, but ask how your bartender makes it.

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Ask the Bartender: Accepting Free Drinks

A girlfriend and I were arguing over whether it's OK to accept a free drink from someone at a bar. It's been a long time since I've been single, but I say not if you're not interested in him. She seems to think one or two drinks are harmless. Who's right, and what's the right thing to do?

Get a glass of wine, turn off the Sex and the City DVD and put on Nina Simone's "Laziest Girl in Town." That's better. Now, let's unpack this and address the typical scenarios. Assume we're A) talking about strangers, and B) you're not drunk already.

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Ask the Bartender: What's Thrifty and What's Cheap?

We went out after a late show, but we weren't very hungry. My wife and I ordered a salad and appetizer, then split an entrée. I don't drink, but she had two glasses of wine. The server definitely tried to rush us out of there, not even asking if we wanted dessert before she brought the check. Is there an unwritten rule I should know about regarding ordering? Does everyone have to order an entrée at night? What if you're on a budget?

Pissy waiters are a blight on the industry. Unfortunately, every waiter gets pissy every once in a while and forgets her place and the service she is supposed to provide for all. You ordered food. You did nothing wrong.

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Ask the Bartender: What's With This Ice?

Is there a reason some bars use different ice in their drinks? I was recently at a bar that had cracked ice which I found a little disgusting, and I've also seen crushed ice. What's the advantage for the different kinds?

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Ask the Bartender: Shaken or Stirred?

OK, on the subject of martinis, I've always wondered why some bartenders shake a martini and others stir. It seems like the nicer the place, the more I see stirring. Is there a cool factor or snobbery to it? Do bartenders who stir look down on those who shake?

I understand the mystique behind this topic, I do. The well-punctuated shake and the graceful stir each have their own pluses, with the right bartender, and everyone wants to look the right kind of cool. Also James Bond, blah, blah, blah... However, I have been over this debate for approximately 12 years. There is no hard and fast rule, but one method is more appropriate than the other.

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