Bloody Smurf Jizz & 6 Other Cocktails for Washington's Memorial Day Booze Apocalypse

Categories: Booze News

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This post was written by Pete Seazle, whose work regularly appears on the West Seattle Fun Blog:

Memorial Day Weekend is one of the biggest booze fests of the year, shadowed only by the likes of St. Patrick's Day, The Fourth of July, and Flag Day. And as the three-day weekend of inebriation kicks off our summertime fun, one startling realization has come to light: Memorial Day itself is four days before the transition to privatized liquor sales and we might damn well run out of booze by then. Sure, grocery and unnamed club stores are stockpiling inventories in preparation of their June 1st liquor launch, but as the days of May wane, so do inventories at the state's liquor stores. Did you happen to notice the slim tequila selection prior to your Cinco de Mayo bash? It was no bueno, amigo.

So what does this mean for your Memorial Day plans? That's right: It's time to throw a Liquor Apocalypse Bad Booze Party! Unless you've been wise enough to stock pile your favorite vodkas, whiskeys, and gins, you're going to have to figure out how to put other less-favored boozes to good use--your Blue Curacao, your Advocaat, and your Creme de Menthe, for instance.

Let's get started!

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5 Prime Seattle Locations for the Hangover-Helper Bus

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The latest invention to come across aspiring entrepreneurs' "fuck, why didn't I think of that first?!" radar is Jason Burke's Vegas-based Hangover-Helper Bus, where, for massively hungover Sin Citians (for a day or a lifetime), "treatment can take less than an hour for a $90 basic IV of saline solution, B vitamins and vitamin C."

If that won't cut it, "A premium package, $150, includes two bags. For an extra fee, Burke will bring treatment to a tourist's hotel room. Burke administers the prescription anti-inflammatory Ketorolac or Toradol for pain and Zofran, also known as Ondansetron, for nausea. Acid heartburn can be treated with over-the-counter ranitidine. Patients get a shot of the anesthetic Lidocaine to numb the skin before the IV needle is inserted."

Rolling the prototype boozebulance through Vegas is a "no shit" proposition. But what if Burke were to expand to Seattle--or, likelier, what if an opportunistic Swedish nurse (I'm lookin' at YOU, Lumpia!) shamelessly ripped off his idea? Where would be the best places for our Hangover-Helper bus to park and relieve the dehydrated masses? We consulted a handful of local experts--bar owners and the like--for a list of our top five locales.

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Canadian Club Back in Ready-to-Drink Market

Categories: Booze News

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Previously pioneering packaging from Canadian Club.
A spirits brand which built its reputation on bottling whiskey is now preparing to promote pre-mixed highballs in cans.

Back in 1858, most distillers sold their whiskey directly from the barrel to customers armed with their own jugs. But Hiram Walker was especially proud of his formulation, so he decided to sell it in labeled bottles. Walker's Club Whiskey - later rechristened Canadian Club in accordance with U.S. law - helped usher in a new era of liquor packaging practices.

Canadian Club is hoping to repeat its success with cans of whiskey-cola and whiskey-ginger ale. The distiller isn't the first to experiment with the format - Jack Daniel's already has a line of what the industry calls ready-to-drink beverages - but Canadian Club is looking to make a significant splash with its cans. The product was rolled out across Canada last month, and should soon be available in the U.S.

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Hard Rock Cafe's Rain-Timed Happy Hour Weathers a Very Wet March

Categories: Booze News

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An especially wet March hasn't dissuaded the Hard Rock Cafe from slashing its drink prices every time it rains, a restaurant spokesperson says.

The Hard Rock this January debuted its weather-linked happy hour, promising to discount draft beers, Washington wines and premium well drinks by 50 percent whenever it rained. That happened dozens of times in March, when precipitation was recorded on all but five days. The month's total rainfall was 7.2 inches, nearly twice the typical amount.

Spokesperson Amy McKillop says she didn't track how many times the restaurant declared a rain happy hour, but a number of savvy drinkers developed the habit of ducking into the bar for shelter from morning storms.

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Ginger Mix is Better Than a Greasy Burger

Categories: Booze News

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Although Elixir G's inventor is promoting his smooth mix of pressed ginger root, lemon juice and cane sugar as a cocktail enhancer, the liquid might be more useful after a drinking session.

Bill Tocantins of Santa Monica sent me a bottle of Elixir G because the product was just picked up by Metropolitan Market. While I don't typically fuss with the samples sent my way, the bottle was on my desk after a weekend during which I had two out-of-town guests - and lots of whiskey to celebrate their visits. Remembering the candied ginger that was my companion for a painful month-long schooner voyage during which my seasickness never improved, I wondered if a swig of Elixir G could soothe my hangover symptoms. While the results didn't send me scrambling for my sextant, I felt much, much better post-quaff.

Of course, I'm not qualified to make medical claims. But Tocantins says he's heard of other imbibers busting out Elixir G in the morning.

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Downtown is a Cocktail Desert on Sundays

Categories: Booze News

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The Brooklyn minutes after opening on Sunday afternoon.
Participants in yesterday's Big Climb at Columbia Center didn't have any trouble finding strawberry slushes or coconut pineapple sports drinks after the race. But runners assigned afternoon start times had a considerably harder time finding stiffer beverages to celebrate their ascents.

After I barreled up the 69 flights - and panted my way back to ground level - Voracious contributor Sonja Groset and I set out to find a bloody Mary and a television screening the UNC/Kansas game. We were turned away from the Polar Bar (closed on Sundays), the W, Capital Grille and The Brooklyn and The Met (all closed until 4 p.m.) While it's not unusual for an urban business district to go dark on the weekends, downtown Seattle isn't short on tourists and theater-goers (and, occasionally, stair climbers) looking to uphold the civilized tradition of drinking on a Sunday afternoon. Fifteen minutes after The Brooklyn opened, nearly every seat in the front bar was taken.

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Survival Guide to Kells 29th Annual St. Patrick's Irish Festival

Categories: Booze News, Events

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Of all the St. Patrick's Day fêtes thrown in this city, Kells Irish Restaurant & Pub's is undoubtedly the biggest. Touted as "home of the largest St. Patrick's Irish Festival in the Northwest," the bar hosts a weeklong celebration that reaches its peak on March 17 when it joins forces with neighboring bar Post to provide 500-plus patrons with t-shirts, live traditional Irish music on four different stages, and even a massive outdoor tent. (Cover: $20 with t-shirt).

The revelry runs from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m. -- for those of you who struggle with math, that's 17 hours. Is it possible for a diehard St. Patrick's Day partier to survive open to close? "I really hope not," Kells owner Patrick McAleese says. "I don't want see that guy!" His words of advice to those attending this Saturday: "Don't wear your favorite shoes."

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Four Awesome St. Paddy's Day Parties NOT in Downtown Seattle

Categories: Booze News, Events

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Seattle's downtown boasts more Irish pubs than any other neighborhood, including Kells, Fado, Owl N' Thistle, and new this year, a waterfront Paddy Coyne's scheduled to open on March 17. It's a double-edged sword. The parties are epic, but it's tough to find parking and even tougher to get a drink when everyone and their mother has crammed into the same place as you for the evening. Thus, we present four St. Patrick's Day parties worth your while in the city's other fine neighborhoods.

Conor Byrne (Ballard) The staff is proud to say it serves "no green beer, no green jello shots, and absolutely no Irish Car Bombs" on St. Patrick's Day. Instead, it serves a solid lineup of beers and bands to ensure you enjoy a live-music-filled evening. Your chances of rubbing elbows with a frat boy in a "Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt are low. Cover: $10 after 2 p.m.

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LloydMartin Adds Hard Liquor to Menu Mix

Categories: Booze News

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If LloydMartin served nothing but elk ragu, I'd still be a big fan. But it didn't lessen my affection for the upper Queen Anne restaurant any to learn it plans to soon start pouring bourbon.

"We were inspected and approved on the bar setup, and now it's just us deciding how alcohol will fit into our restaurant," general manager Jerry Pellowski reports.

As one of the first establishments approved to sell hard liquor since the 1183-permitted entry of distillers and distributors into the spirits supply chain, LloydMartin will have to wrestle with more purchasing decisions than restaurants confronted during the state's control era. "We're looking at a slow roll-out as the transition of liquor distribution is no doubt making things very interesting," Pellowski says.

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International District Contemplates Summer Bar Crawl

Categories: Booze News

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Chinese restaurants have long had a reputation for serving cheap, stiff drinks, but International District leaders believe many Seattle cocktailians have overlooked their neighborhood.

"Probably our most notorious bar is Bush Garden," says Don Blakeney of the Chinatown-International District Business Improvement Area (CIDBIA). "People go down there and do karaoke, and that's where most people's knowledge taps out."

Blakeney is hoping to add a quaffable element to this summer's annual Dragon Fest. CIDBIA last year introduced a food walk in conjunction with the popular event, recruiting 16 restaurants to offer $2 food samples; Blakeney says the snack-around resulted in a 1000-customer spike for participating restaurants. This year's culinary programming will also include a food truck pod and beer garden. "We started off doing traditional stuff," Blakeney says. "But we saw the food walk kept people in the neighborhood longer."

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