It wasn't exactly shocking when butter maven Paula Deen revealed she'd gone and given herself "the Sugars"-- aka type 2 diabetes-- last January. It was a little surprising she sat on the information for over three years and is now a pharmaceutical spokesperson for the drugs to treat the disease, all the while pimping the obscenely caloric recipes that have made her as ridiculously rich as the shit she cooks.

As good as some of the following items may taste, there is no doubt by eating them you are taking a major health risk. So why would anyone subscribe themselves to the Paula Deen diet plan? Maybe you're a recovering junkie who misses the ritual of shooting up so much you've got a hankering to sub insulin for street drugs or a trophy wife trying to do in your ancient husband or perhaps your partner has an insatiable prosthetic limb fetish? Maybe it's a combination of all three? Regardless, here are five of Paula's "home cooked delights" sure to fulfill even the biggest appetite for destruction:

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​ This month, our tribute to terrible edibles focuses on the freezer section.
Frozen entrees have long had a bad wrap and it turns out for good reason. Even though they boast less or no preservatives and have come along way since the TV Dinners of yore, nary a manufacturer seems to get frozen lasagna right. Which is kind of odd as a homemade lasagna freezes beautifully.

Here's a survey of not-so-super market items you might want to skip on your next trip:

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Even Charlie won't finish Jack in the Box tacos..and he eats legitimate poop.

​ This week's Shit List could not be more literal. To say I'm not a fan of drive-through fare would be an understatement. In a town where you can indulge in Dick's or Zippy's burgers for a couple of bucks more, it seems silly to resort to the value menu for a deliciously greasy fix.

Let's just be honest: "Value" items are best reserved for the brokest of the broke or budget conscious bulimics on benders. In an effort to preserve the Weekly's, huh-hmmm, "journalist integrity" I took a bite of each of these items, just to see if they were as truly awful as they are rumored to be. For you dear readers I was willing to ingest food allegedly filled with foaming agents, meat by products and just a little binding rubber. I needn't have worried about their long term effects however, as 25 minutes after my nibble test I got so sick they came back up. The un-nibbled remainders I left to my pooch, who has as iron stomach. He didn't seem to mind them, but he also been known to chow down on other dog's feces on occasion.

So here's our salute to the lowest of the low--Five truly shitty items that prove you really do get what you pay for:

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In the immortal words of Frank Sinatra and Sid Vicious: "Regrets, I've had a few." As the end of the year approaches we all begin to reflect on the high and low lights of last year's dining experiences, the food mistakes we've made in 2011, and the ones we won't be repeating in 2012. As short or long as your personal list of food regrets may be, here are a few resolutions we can all benefit to live by:

1. End Habitual Dining Habits - Resolve to cook one new meal, try one new dish, and one new restaurant or bar a month. Given the cost of dining out, it may seem like the safest, easiest bet to visit "the old reliable" in your neighborhood, but by doing so you are inevitably missing out. If you walk into an establishment to be greeted like Norm from Cheers, and wave your order to any server on duty with hand signals, I'm talking to you. Use the magic power of the Internet to get your booty out of the booth indented with your personal ass grooves and walk on the wild side. Google your favorite dish at said go-to eatery, see who else does it well, and you're on your way to culinary adventure land.

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Be it friend or relative, we have all suffered at the hands of a not-so-talented chef. Terrible cooks are not bad people. In fact, some of the folks you most enjoy hanging out with can be your worst enemy in the kitchen. Given that cooking is an art that requires time to cultivate and we live in a world where no one seems to have it, they can hardly be blamed. However, dinner parties where the odds are 80/20 in favor of spending two days camped out by the toilet can make you less forgiving. If you're going to be gifting to that terrible cook on your list anyway, it might as well be something that flips the odds in your favor.

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Walrus, We just want to have you every Friday night. Is that too much to ask?

​ It can certainly be said you have a special relationship with your favorite restaurant. And much like the relationship with your partner or any loved one you've been with long enough, they may possess a habit, however small, that occasionally makes you want to suffocate them in their sleep.

In hopes of having a long lasting gastronomic affair with some of our top eateries, today we are holding an intervention. Not because we don't love them, but because we do. Hence, here is our list of the most egregious habits that some very good restaurants could stand to remedy around Seattle:

The Walrus and the Carpenter (4743 Ballard Ave NW)
Walrus (as you are known to your many fans) you are the sexiest spot on this list. If Ballard Ave were a gentleman's club, you'd be the biracial girl with real boobs--in other words, the most desirable chick there. We want to spend all our money on you and bring our friends to see you every Friday night. But alas, we can not. You simply won't take our calls. For reservations, that is. So start!

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​Turn off the AC (for the select 5% of Seattleites who actually have it in their homes), pull out the sweaters and scarves, and dust off your go-mugs. It's definitely Fall around here, and we're all back to normal now, inclusive of pasty white skin, and an ever-flowing source of caffeine. The colder it gets, and the darker the mornings, the more necessary coffee becomes for much of the city - and there's nothing wrong with a little friendly cup of Joe to start the day.

What is wrong is getting a bad cup of coffee and then drinking it any way, because (1) you already paid for it, (2) getting a do-over would mean standing in line again, or (3) you're still so asleep that you're not sure if the coffee is bad or you're still dreaming (you know which it is, but tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night, okay?) Over the years, we've consumed thousands upon thousands of cups of coffee from all parts of the world, country and our dear city. So it goes without saying, we've got a good bean barometer, and have had some awful cups of crud in our day. Here then, are five of the grossest, wet-cardboard-tasting, I-can't-believe-I-just-paid-for-that spots we've found thus far.

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**UPDATE: It was brought to our attention that our search for the worst really didn't uncover the worst! After review, it was discovered that the initial search on Dinegerous only uncovered offenders with a top score of 70--and there are way worse offenders than that. We deeply apologize for the incorrect posting and have updated our list to reflect the worst offenders with a new top-score limit of 300, in the downtown core and adjacent areas from August 1, 2011 forward.

You know when you have friends coming over for dinner, and your kitchen inevitably looks like it got hit by a tornado, so of course you go home and perform epic levels of cleaning before you even start the cooking process? God forbid they open a cupboard and have your mail, laundry, and a pile of miscellaneous crap fall on their heads. The point is, you cleaned up your act, because you were serving others, and a dirty kitchen is both disgusting and dangerous.

Wouldn't it be great if restaurants treated each shift like they had friends coming over? Every day they'd arrive in the kitchen like an OCD housewife about to entertain the neighborhood gossip mill, and scrub the counters until they could see their face in it? Unfortunately, many restaurants fall short--way short--of this ideal. With a new site for all the world to see (or at least here in Seattle), diners can find out what the latest field food-inspection visits uncovered, and avoid potential bug-in-water, rancid-clam, and food-poisoning situations. Dinegerous.com shows you all the recent field-inspection results, so you can know before you go. Here are the current top five field-inspection offenders--decide for yourself how risky you want to be at your next dinner outing.

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Beans, beans, the magical fruit (or a fatty, intestinal death wish, depending on where you go . . . ).

​There's a reason there are so many Mexican restaurants in Seattle: Mexican food is delicious and everyone in Seattle knows it. Have you ever met someone who doesn't like nachos? No. But just because Mexican food is so wonderful doesn't mean anyjuan should open his own taqueria. If anything, it should be the exact opposite--leave the art of perfecting the chimichanga and seared skirt steak to the experts who aren't passing off canned goods as homemade.

More and more in Seattle, mediocre Mexican joints are keeping their doors open with strong drinks, salty chips, and crappy everything else. With so many options, it's a wonder they're still kicking, although going back to the drinks comment, maybe their trick is getting you lit up like it's Cinco de Mayo so you forget how lame the food and/or service was . . . 'til your next unfortunate visit. We've rounded up five offenders we wish would clean up their act, or at least eliminate everything but the drinks from their menus to save us the trouble . . .

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If you'd rather eat the plastic, wind-up version than what comes off the sushi train, we can relate.

​Recently, we were fishing for dinner ideas from a group of friends, all Seattle natives, and as always, the conversation turned to the "Don't go here" warning, which is just as valuable. One friend in particular revealed the following epic adventure:

"My husband went to his friend's favorite hole-in-the-wall sushi place' in the ID and had some sea urchin, one of his favorites. About an hour after they left, he was driving downtown and felt suddenly sick, so he quickly pulled the car over into an alley and promptly projectile-vomited about 20 feet, and proceeded to do that about three times. He then felt completely fine, and drove home. Needless to say he doesn't go to hole-in-the-wall sushi places anymore . . . "

If that's not the recommendation of a lifetime, we don't know what is. Now if we could only remember the name of that hole-in-the-wall so we're sure we don't accidentally go there . . . This got us thinking, what are the shittiest sushi stories in Seattle? So we did a little investigating, and now for your gut-wrenching pleasure and future intestinal health, we've pulled together the best of the worst.

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