Illustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! You ready to fire up the grill this weekend and char some flesh? My kettle cooker is on its last legs, sadly. But, then again, I did find it a couple of years ago, abandoned with a "free" sign on the street corner, so the price was right. Think it'll make through this three-day smoke out.

One of the best things about a long weekend is that there's three days to play that endlessly fascinating match game, finding just the right wine to drink with your cookout chow.

Relax, sleep in. Let The Wino show you the way to make seared meat and fermented grape juice bliss. Here are 5 wines that will help make you a hero at your Memorial Day weekend BBQ.

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Illustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! Pulled a 1991 Cabernet Sauvignon out of my "cellar" the other day to celebrate a very special 21st birthday and -- crap-a-doodle-do! -- it was over the hill.

Hey, I'm not blaming the winemaker or the cork, which crumbled when screwed. The Wino takes full responsibility for not taking better care of this fine old wine. Hell, it made two cross-country moves in its lifetime and, no doubt, did not care much for the heat in Memphis. Still, I had some high hopes that it would be old and magical... like Dumbledore in that last Harry Potter movie... until I took that first whiff. Uh-oh. Vinegar. (The wine, not the wizard!)

Loads of seasoned wine snobs will natter on and on about the pleasures of "laying wine down", giving it time for tannins to smooth and become voluptuous. Hubba hubba! Over time, complex flavors develop. Still, that's a tough sell in our instant gratification world. I want my wine RIGHT NOW damnit!!

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Illustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! I don't know about y'all, but this Wino hates to drink alone.

Oh, no, it's got nothing to do with the you-got-a-problem code of Bill W. and his Anonymous friends. It's just so much more fun to pass around the bottle and share. Talking that wino talk of haunting aromatics, intense mouthfeel and terroir.

Much like our brethren, The Foodie, we like to geek out in groups when tasting wine, to dissect the deets about what makes our mouths go "that's some mighty fine fermented grape juice." And that's why I am a huge fan of virtual wine tastings.

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Photo by Leslie Kelly

Jon Rowley's found his bliss with this year's Oyster Wine Competition winners.

Hey fellow lushes! Excuse me for a sec while I wipe the oyster juice off my chin. The Wino had the pleasure earlier this week of slurping a few Shoguku at Taylor Shellfish and washing those tumbled gems from the sea down with winners from this year's 18th annual Oyster Wine Competition. It was pure bliss.

That's exactly what Jon Rowley, the organizer of this bivavle-centric competition, had in mind when he cooked up this ultimate exercise in pairing a single food and wine. He instructs judges at these tastings in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Seattle to look for "the bliss factor" when evaluating the wine's worthiness. "A great oyster wine should set you up for the next oyster," he said.

In this case, it's truly about thinking of wine as a condiment, the salsa if an oyster was a tortilla chip. (I swear, that's the only semi-Cinco de Mayo reference you'll hear outta The Wino on the eve of a day devoted to wasting away in Margaritaville.)

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Illustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! The Wino's got an offer you can't refuse.

Sorry, couldn't resist trotting out that line from "The Godfather", or as my husband likes to refer to it -- the greatest movie ever made. Francis Ford Coppola doesn't make films anymore, but he does crank out some mighty fine fermented grape juice at his castle down in Napa Valley. Well, it's not exactly a castle. More like a beautiful historic chateau that's been turned into a wine wonderland. (There's a huge swimming pool, two restaurants, a movie gallery and a performing arts center.) I can picture myself sitting by the pool, sipping some Sauv Blanc on a sunny day. And aren't they all sunny days in Napa?

Coppola Winery has an extensive selection of stuff, from the very high end to the a collection The Wino can afford, at about $15 at Safeway, among other outlets. This year's Diamond Collection labels come in the sensory stimulating colors that are so haute this season.

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Illustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! I am so high on these new wines I tried this week, a perfect combo of beautifully blended fermented grape juice and a healthy helping of humanity. Talk about your feel good buzz.

Sozo Wines was launched by buds Martin Barrett and Monte Regier a few years ago, with this mission: Make some kick-butt wine and donate a portion of the price of each bottle back to community organizations that help fight hunger. Win-win wine. They hired seasoned winemaker Cheryl Jones, who used to be at Chateau Ste. Michelle back in the day (circa 1976).

And, yes, she makes some damn fine stuff, wine that comes with names such as Compassion (the unoaked Chardonnay) and Goodwill (the Cabernet Sauvignon.) Buy a $15 bottle of one of those and Sozo's contribution to various food banks and organizations like Food Lifeline will buy the equivalent of five meals.

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Ilustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! Don't mind the bruises. I've been beating myself, trying to track down the source of this fantabulous bottle of Italian wine I pulled out to serve with my Easter dinner, spaghetti and meatballs. (Yeah, this cook bent to popular demand of the fam and skipped the ham.)

The wine, a 2010 Il Sogno Sangiovese, was the second bottle served. The sticker on the bottle said $5.99, so I wasn't expecting a whole lot. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle! This rustic red packed plenty of sizzle.

When drinking $6 bottles of wine, it's pretty common to describe them as "one note." That note usually being "G" for grapey. While this swell sipper was far from a symphony of flavor, it was a mighty pleasant song that made my meatballs sing. That's amore!

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Illustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! Nothing quite says TGIF like shaking up a sparkler and popping a cork that could possibly put out an eye, just like teams do when they win the big game. OK, I kid!

Seriously, though, I'm all for the weekend morning eye opener that combines champagne with a small "c" and a splash of OJ. What's great about a mimosa is that you can get away with using cheap and crazy good cava like Segura Viudas Rosé. Cava, of course, is Spanish for brut, which is French for wine with tiny bubbles that help make me feel like anything is possible. Want world peace? Pour everybody at the diplomatic table a tumbler of bubbly and we'd all be high-fivin' and hugging by the end of a bottle or three.

While I'm getting all political, at last weekend's Taste Washington, I fell hard for some sparkling wine that has been poured at state dinners at The White House.

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Photo by Leslie Kelly

There are some wines too good to spit.

Hey fellow lushes! I probably should join the chorus of wine writers singing that familiar tune of restraint at this weekend's Taste Washington. But, where's the fun in that?

If you're going to attend this full-sensory sip-a-thon -- and, hooray, my media pass gets me into both days -- well, then, I'm going to give you a road map for getting your money's worth. And, if you stay tuned to the end of this post, there'll even be a few tips on curing a big, bad wine headache the morning after.

All righty, anybody who gives a fig about Washington wine knows this is the biggest event of the year, the Super Bowl of all tastings, with more than 200 producers pouring two, three or more selections each. Not even the super-est super taster could try them all, so how's about we focus on the best of the high-end wine, the bottles that will likely end up in the cellars of the 1 percent-ers.

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Ilustration by Andrew Saeger, tHE ARTdept.

Hey fellow lushes! This just in from the department that decides matters of the utmost importance: Merlot is hip again. Whew, what a freaking relief. Now, The Wino no longer has to chug it secretly, in the closet.

Yeah, it seems ever since a fictional character in a movie made 10 years ago declared he would never dream of drinking Merlot, a bunch of lemmings, er, wait, I mean sophisticated wine drinkers have been snubbing the wine made from a noble grape of Bordeaux. Dude! That Myles guy stole money out of his mama's purse. How could he possibly be a tastemaker?

Fast forward to the end of Sideways and yup, that's him sucking down a bottle of super fancy French Merlot in a Mickey D's. Classy.

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